Dear Mtv, I know at one point in time I enjoyed you but it’s been so long I can’t remember when that time was. I’m assuming it was back when, you know, you were about music. That’s besides the point, we all know you are a joke with your crappy “dating” shows, the real world Read More →

Dear Gynecologist: I realize that sitting here in stirrups I’m not really in a position to ask for anything but I feel I really need to say something as my vagina is very important to me. First, since you a replacement doctor for the doctor I loved who left this practice I want you to Read More →

Dear Ed & Crystal: Or rather, Cred, as I’m trying to convince people to call you. After our first, and hopefully not last, meeting of the minds I just wanted to discuss a few things about our trip to western Massachusetts. First, I really enjoyed how Ed found a way to turn every moment into Read More →

Dear Edward Norton: Where have you been? I know you’ve made movies but nothing that has stood out to me as significant. I don’t mean a big blockbuster, I don’t care about those, I just mean the kind of movie to catch my attention. I miss you, I really do. When I think of my Read More →

Dear Person With Stick Up Ass: Please see a doctor about removing that very large and obviously obtrusive stick that is lodged in your rectum. It can’t be comfortable or pleasant, which explains why you are such a complete douche. I understand that things in your life suck, such as the lung you can’t seem Read More →

Dear Winter, I hate to break this to you but I’ve never liked you. Ok, maybe I briefly enjoyed you when I was a kid. When it snowed it meant usually no school and sledding. Nothing about snow is fun anymore, except for the day off of work sometimes but then it comes out of Read More →

Dear Gossip Girl, How’s it going? Seems like things are pretty intense in your neighborhood but then, that’s how we like it. However, I would like to point out a few things that for me have you drift into the genre of soap opera. Let’s get right down to business and that business is Chuck Read More →

Dearest Men, As you, and many others, are aware the four of you are some of my favorite men in the world but it seems to me either you have been preocuppied lately or just off the radar. This makes me sad, I’d very much like to see all of you much much more. Scott: Read More →

Dear Grissom, I’m going to be honest, I am hurt. I don’t think you understand how much you leaving CSI just breaks my heart. How is there supposed to be CSI Las Vegas without Gil Grissom? Did you think about the rest of us before you decided to leave? I’m not sure you did, I Read More →

Dear Ginnifer: I’ve had quite a few female crushes over the years including Angelina, Scarlett and a few others. I thought you should know that as of right now you are in the number one spot. Don’t worry, it’s nothing to worry about. I don’t stalk (too much) and really all I do is follow Read More →