As I’ve written about before, I pretty much never go for a bad boy. The closest to a bad boy I’ve dated in real life was a frat guy and trust me, they are mock bad boys if that. I was watching a little a lot of Veronica Mars again and Manly Man always points out what a dick he is in the beginning. I can’t argue with that, even Veronica Calls him an “obligatory psychotic jackass.” Hey, that’s a great story to tell the grandkids right?
Still, everytime I explain to Manly Man that Logan is just covering up for his hurt because he is so damaged. I mean, his father beat him and some other stuff that fall under the spoiler catagory. His mother is gone and his sister doesn’t seem to give a crap about him. All he really has is Veronica and he has to put up that wall so nobody else can hurt him. Can’t you see what a sweet boy he really is…on the inside?
Same goes for the likes of Tim Riggins and Jess Mariano. They may have been douches at times and fucked up a LOT but they loved their women fiercly. When they loved a woman they would do anything for her, even if it meant their own pain. Yes, these guys are going to piss you off and make you want to strangle them but at the end of the day they’ll be there. Also, they’ll look at you like no other man in the world.
Don’t get me wrong, I still adore my underdog and to be fair, often the bad boy is the underdog. I also love my sweet nerds like Noel Crane, Ross Gellar and Sid Jenkins but I have a new appreciation for that special bad boy who is a little rough around the edges but sweeter than anything on the inside. Although I’d never date a bad boy, way too much work.
I’m in a funk. I didn’t really realize how deep of a funk I was in until I realized I barely pick up my camera anymore. It used to be attached to me. I used to carry it around with me hoping a moment would jump out in front of me and beg me to snap it up. I can’t seem to find the love of it at the moment. I think it’s various things that are sucking the joy out of me.
- Our financial future and not knowing what is going to happen.
- Feeling so hateful towards myself.
- The lack of energy because of my health right now.
- The lack of energy because of my day job.
- My self-confidence.
- Lack of funds.
- Feeling lost.
There you have it. I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like a loser who gave up on her passion but I can feel it still inside of me, I just can’t seem to access it. I’m in the process of working through some stuff and finding the right path for me. I have some days when I don’t feel completely like giving up but most days I just wander through.
Don’t get me wrong, things are good, as good as they can be and we’re lucky. I just feel sort of stuck and I’m sick of it. I need a change as we all do every once and a while.
I wrote this a while back but I think it still needs to be said.
After watching all 5 seasons of your family I have a few suggestions that might help you all out a little.
- With all the problematic pregnancies maybe the world is trying to tell you something. Don’t get me wrong, the men in your family are top notch.
- I’ve never seen a family with so many secrets maybe you should try, I don’t know, just being honest. I mean, has all of your secrets done any of you any good? I’ve never seen so many people live so long with so many secrets, I don’t know how you do it.
- I’m thinking maybe William Walker had a sex addiction because seriously, he put in a LOT off effort just to get laid. Also, does he know of a little thing called a condom?
- With all the tragedies that happen regularly maybe you guys should leave the house a lot less, it might be better for everyone.
- Richard and Kitty: with a heart attack and then cancer, maybe you guys should have taken a year off from politics.
- Ok ok, Holly is growing on me slowly but the way she talks still makes me want to hurt her sometimes.
- I realize that even though Justin and Rebecca are not actually related it was still creepy them ending up together.
So I’ve been all over the place lately and haven’t had opinions to share like I normally do. Also, the blogging community has slowed down a lot so for myself and for anyone who reads it here is an update on my life.
- My coworker of the last 7 years nearly (that’s how long I’ve worked at my current job) retired so all the stuff she did I now do, including kind of being in charge. We also have a new coworker, whom is so great so far and am so happy, I really needed someone who could pick up the slack and keep me sane.
- Photography has slowed down so much for me. I haven’t been trying to get jobs or work and I barely use my camera at all. It makes me sad but I just have been out of my head lately and just haven’t had it in me. I plan to pick it up again in the near future when things calm down.
- My hypothyroidism has gotten worse, as it seems, and I really want to get control of it. I don’t really know how to do this yet but I’m going to figure it out. I’m sick of being tired all the time and depressed. I want energy again. I want to feel human again. There is so much conflicting information out there I feel lost and don’t know where to go.
- I have personal stuff I want to deal with but I don’t want to either, I just don’t have the energy. For now, I’m just going to try to attempt to relax.
- I’ve been watching a lot of Brothers & Sisters lately (thanks to Amanda), which I’ve gotten sucked into but the characters also drive me kind of crazy. We finished season 1 of Game of Thrones, which we’re pretty into even if I can’t remember anyone’s names, what the fuck is my problem with names and period stuff?
- Manly Man is still out of work, which is hard, so hard but he’s been cooking a lot and finding passion in that. I keep saying though, he has to find someone to hire him eventually but I’ve been saying that for almost 3 years. 3. Fucking. Years.
I offered to make a movie list for some family members when we were on vacation and I thought I might as well share the same list with all of you. I stand by every single one of these movies, especially the ones that seem not all that interesting…those are the ones in particular I recommend. You can also see my lists, etc. on Imdb.com.
HORROR
note: so most of these horror movies are either the kind to give you a heart attack from the suspense or just plain terrify you to the point you sleep with the lights on. You’ve been warned.
Funny Games [There is a 90s German version and a current American version. Both were done by the same director shot for shot so I approve of the American version even though I haven't seen it. I mostly recommend the newer version because it has Tim Roth and Michael Pitt in it.]
Martyrs [This foreign horror film actually caused Manly Man to storm out at the end of it saying "I can't believe you made me watch that." Now they are in the process of making an American version but I'm fairly certain there is no way we can pull of that kind of insanity but who knows. This one gets a real serious warning, don't watch this if you get too squeamish.]
Audition [This is an Asian horror film and one of the best of it's kind. So creepy and there are memories from it I will never ever forget.]
The Orphanage [Super creepy and awesome.]
DOCUMENTARIES
King of Kong [The only reason I watched this was because Gwen recommended it and for the most part I trust her recommendations. I did not think I'd get into a documentary about Donkey Kong but I was on the edge of my fucking seat the entire time. If anything you need to watch this to meet the most vile man on the planet, Billy, if I ever see him in person I hope to knee him in the nuts.]
Man on Wire [Beautfiul (true) story and I loved how the film was put together. About a man who decided to walk a tight rope between the Twin Towers.]
Lord Save Us From Your Followers [You might think this was about how much I hate religion (which I do) and how all the followers are a bunch of knobs but it's not, it moved me to tears and is something every single person needs to see.]
The Thin Blue Line [A man is put in prison for a crime he did not committ and this documentary set him free.]
Wasteland [About a man who visits the largest landfill on the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro and the journey he takes is an emotional one.]
Capturing the Friedmans [I can almost guarantee you'll come out of this movie with no answers and that's the best part of it. Also it's a fascinating case.]
Hot Coffee [This only just came out but wow, I had a totally different opinion when I went into this than what I came out with. It's about our litigious society (we are sue happy) and it starts with the woman who sued McDonalds for being burned by her coffee. I had always thought this woman was nuts but turns out, I didn't know the whole story.]
DRAMAS
note: I’m not going to explain these, watch them or not, I don’t care. They are good, that’s all that matters.
One Week
Somers Town
An Education
Is it too much to ask for people to just be mature enough to accept responsibility for their own actions and to take enough time to understand where other people are coming from? I don’t care if you laugh at dick jokes or if you show some cleavage at an “inappropriate” time. I don’t give a crap if you like to watch 90210 or if you like to go out sometimes to get drunk.
All I care about is being a responsible adult when you are in a professional setting. That means respecting your co-workers, being on time and doing your job. What is doing your job? Well it’s not about just getting your work done but it is also being available when something needs to be done and leaving your attitude at home. If you are lucky enough to have a job in this day and age then appreciate the fuck out of it because there are at least 50 people who would be glad to have it.
I also care about being a decent human being, especially when it comes to the people in your life. Keep in mind that when you are being selfish that just maybe it is hurting other people. The world does not revolve around you, you are not the center of the universe. It just so happens that when you don’t give a shit someone else may have to pick up the slack. Just maybe someone else is carrying the burden and the stress and the bullshit.
In this world we don’t get everything just the way we want without working for it. We have to put up with crap and learn to do things that we don’t want to do. In this world, attitude will only hold you back and ignorance will be the chains that bind you.
So my suggestion is to take some time and see the world beyond yourself. That the choices we make effect other people. That karma is only bitch if you are.
- I’m thinking about how I’m kind of shaky but I think this time it’s the coffee and not the anxiety.
- I’m thinking I need to learn how to just keep my mouth shut and just ignore the bad feelings I get. Whenever I speak up I regret it and wish I’d just kept it to myself.
- I’m thinking that these new bras I desperately needed are beyond awesome, must review them online so others can know the joy of my breasts.
- I’m thinking I have so many notes and stickies everywhere lateley (including an app to yell at me to remind me to do shit) that I feel a bit altzheimers lately.
- I’m thinking I’m excited to have next week off but stressed because there is so much going on at work and I’m going to be completely overwhelmed when I come back.
- I’m thinking despite the shit at work I need a week off for my insanity and the fact I may not have any real time off for a long time to come.
- I’m thinking I need some time off social media, it can do bizarre things to you.
- I’m thinking I really just think way too much, must find a way to stop this.
I am easily moved to tears. I’m an emotional person who will cry over a tragedy, a celebrity death and just the passing of a person I’d never heard of before. I read articles online of an unfortunate death and I tear up. I don’t cry over everyone but I have no idea what loss will effect me and when.
It seems many look down on anyone mourning Amy Winehouse’s death because she deserved it. She had a drug problem and most likely that is what killed her. Because she was a drug addict did she deserve to die? No, every death is sad and unfortunate. She was someone’s daughter and friend. If a good friend of mine had a drug problem, even if I lost touch, I’d be devastated. When this happens, that’s what I always think about. I think about those who loved that person and how much it had to hurt to lose them. I can’t even imagine.
What happened in Norway was also devastating and something that should never have happened. I would never compare this to Amy Winehouse or any other person who died. Why must we compare?
Do you know what is happening in Somalia? This too is tragic and incredibly painful to think about. There is so much pain in the world right now, more than it seems is even possible. Our country falling apart is beyond comprehension to me, even though to me it seems we caused it. So many people (such as my husband) are suffering because of our country’s problems who are completely shut out of the work force. He can’t even get a job as a pizza delivery person and he’s a skilled tradesman.
There are also beautiful things in this world like 2 grandmothers being the first gay marriage in New York. So there is something good still happening in this world among all the sadness. I just am so bothered that with everything happening people seem to be arguing over which is worse or trashing people that died. What is wrong with us? How did we get to a place of such judgment and such anger over something we should all come together over?
I’m not sure if there is a point in reviewing Cache because I don’t think many people could sit through a very slow, fairly long, foreign film with subtitles. I could be wrong though, so I’ll share what little I even comprehend after seeing this.
The Basics: A family starts getting videotapes that show someone filming their flat. The tapes come along with a picture drawn like a child of blood coming out of someone’s mouth. As the film goes on the paranoia of the father increases as the tapes lead him to parts of his childhood he had tried to forget.
The Good: It keeps your attention, even at the very slow/quiet shots of just video of their flat. As the film went on I was more and more curious about where this was going. Who was sending them these tapes? What wasn’t the father telling us? What the fuck is really going on here? I was annoyed and frustrated at times but I desperately wanted to know what was going on.
The Bad: I should have known that with the director Michael Haneke, who also did Funny Games, that he was going to mind fuck me and mind fuck me good. Not everything in it is obvious and you have to pay really close attention, many have watched this several times afterward to try to figure this out. It’s frustrating how slow and drawn out some scenes are and how little any of it makes sense. I will admit I came to realize I missed a huge part of the end scene but now that I realize what the end scene was I’m still just as confused.
If you like mind fuck movies, watch any of Michael Haneke’s films but particularly this one. At least with Funny Games I was left with some answers as to what I just watched. It sounds like I hated this film but I didn’t, I really liked it, I just get frustrated when I’m left guessing, which is what I believe was the intention.
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