I came across this via Avitable and Psychobabble. I figure these are some things we could all examine to help us become the best we can be. No, this isn’t the army, this is life bitches.

Something I hate about myself is how I’m unable to deal with bullshit. At first it seems like a good thing but it’s not, the older I get the less I can deal with the bullshit of others. You know what’s unfortunate about this? The world is full of bullshit. People make excuses or create a falsehood. People blame everyone else but themselves. Being keenly aware of this every single day can make a person miserable and it’s something I fight with all the time.

I’m trying to learn to let go, because I can’t do anything about it. I can’t do anything about the fuckhead who cut me off in traffic and I can’t do anything about companies choosing to hire interns for free instead of people with experience. Learning to let go of the bullshit of the world is something I work on every day.

From my mom I definitely got her neurosis, that is a fact. As I get older I get more neurotic and there is nothing fun about that. I get anxious a lot and have to remind myself all the time to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. Side Note: do not ever tell me to chill the fuck out, that doesn’t go over well. I can take things personally, which is why it’s good to be straightforward with me.

From my dad I got my stubbornness and my belief that I’m always right. To give myself a break I am at least aware of these things, unlike my father, and try to keep them in check. On the rare occasion I’m wrong I will admit it.

Luckily there are a lot of ways I am not like my parents. I am such a romantic, neither of my parents are or at least have ever shown to me. Hell, we don’t say “I love you” in our family but I shower Manly Man with adoration constantly. I am an open book, I share just about everything (sometimes too much) while I’ve only found out most of the things about my parents through other people or by accident. I have no idea of the story of how they met or if my dad proposed. I’ve asked for some details over time but they really don’t give me much in reply.

I used to be worried about getting married because I didn’t want to end up like them. I wanted to be romantic and cuddly. I wanted daily affection and romantic moments. Luckily, I married the right guy, he’s even more of a sap that me. I can appreciate my parents for what they are now and there are qualities I am grateful that I got from them.

Now if I could just stop saying stuff like “home again home again jiggidy jig” like my mom always says I’ll be great.

My views? I’m not really a huge fan of mainstream anything only because it all sounds/looks the same. Mainstream to me usually means it’s made to make money not to actually say anything or to be something special. Who is mainstream to me? Brittany Spears, she doesn’t write any of her own music and she can barely sing. It’s fake, it’s plastic. Sometimes a mainstream song comes out that has a good beat or just makes me feel something. I don’t run away from it just because it’s mainstream, I’m willing to like anything that either gives me goosebumps or makes me dance. I just usually don’t like mainstream but some do, to each’s own.

But everybody’s changing
And I don’t feel the same

I mentioned on Twitter recently that my parent’s house is up for sale. This is the house I lived in from age 11 until I moved out officially at 24. This is the house I consider to be the house I grew up in. So much of my life happened here and even though I knew this was coming I didn’t realize how sad it would make me.

Here was my bedroom when I was in high school and made out with boyfriends in for hours.

The family room where I had so many of my parties, a few of them when my parents weren’t home.

Where the pool used to be, I wish I’d enjoyed the pool more before they got rid of it last year. I did get a chance to appreciate skinny dipping in it once…

The kitchen where I got a late night snack sometimes and where also some “Sex on the Beach” drinks were made during a party and one sad batch of pot brownies.

The living room where I oftened watched General Hospital after work and took the occasional nap.

The jacuzzi, so many stories can be told about this. There is one story in particular I’d like to forget but cannot.

I’m going to make a point to spend some time there this summer as I don’t go there much anymore. I knew my parents wouldn’t keep this house forever and it’s time to say goodbye but it’s still hard.

I have nothing bad to say to any of my ex’s at this point in my life. When I was in my twenties I had a lot of bad things to say to my ex’s. There was the frat guy ex I used to say he had no balls how he attempted to just break up with me by leaving all my things at the foot of the bed when I stopped by his apartment. My summer fling ex I used to say he was in denial that all along he really liked me but he was too chicken shit to deal with it.

In regards to my past relationships I used to be really bitter and really really angry. Often at that age these things don’t end well, there is no maturity or dignity in them. I was very sensitive and it was all really hard for me to deal with. That is all in the past now though, I’ve truly moved on.

I will admit though I can still feel the pain and the anger I felt back then when I listen to an Alanis or Fiona song but the rage is long gone. I think the moment I met Manly Man those feelings just washed away. I honestly never thought they’d go away, I thought they’d infect me for the rest of my life. It’s very freeing to let old hurt feelings go and just appreciate that they got you to be the person you are today.

Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes gets the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be.

What do you think? Sound like me?

Then there is also my Amazon Wish List here

I won’t even bother sharing my b&hphoto wishlist because that is just intense with camera bodies and lenses galore, all stuff I dream of but will need to find a rich lovah to be able to ever get.

Just The Way You Are – Bruno Mars

Everytime this comes on the radio, which is pretty often, it’s uncontrollable. This sucks because I love this song.

This video is the end of Six Feet Under and everytime I watch it I cry so hard that I can barely breath. I was once explaining to someone how much I love the end of this show and started to cry, right there in public.

Oh Father – Madonna

I heard this song one day in college when I was dealing with my grandmother who was saying horrible things about her own son. When this song came on I started to cry and to this day these specific lines get me all choked up.

Maybe someday
When I look back I’ll be able to say
You didn’t mean to be cruel
Somebody hurt you too

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. I don’t know what it is but everything I watch makes me cry. Hell, I’ve teared up twice watching Glee already. I don’t know if it’s an age thing or a hormonal imbalance, I tend to think it’s more the latter. Either way it sucks having so little control over your emotions.

I was thinking of dipping into LeSombre’s meme but of course the first one is to list 15 things about yourself but if there is one thing on this blog I’ve done is let you guys know exactly who I am. In fact, I have my 100 Things About Me page that has so much useless information on me, just in case you are considering stalking me.

Anyway, here is another 15 things about me along with the new picture of me as you can see. I can’t promise the 15 things is anything you don’t already know.

1. I original major when I went to college was Education, until I realized that I’d lose my mind if I had to teach children all day long.

2. I’m really really picky when it comes to food, which is I think a big issue when it comes to try to eat better. I get freaked out by texture and if something seems even slightly off about the food, even if it’s my imagination, I can’t finish it. I’m always afraid to eat fruit because I worry about biting into something unpleasant.

3. I think possibly the most peaceful moment of my entire life was driving through the countryside of Ireland listening to Snow Patrol, Keane and Damien Rice.

4. I LOVE Ugly Dolls and if you buy me one as a gift I’ll love you forever.

5. I’ve been blogging something like 5 or 6 years now, which is just insane. I’ve had my twitter basically right from the beginning. I also signed up for Facebook a really long time ago and then forgot about it until my friends started using it.

6. I hate citrus and watermelon flavored things.

7. I have 4 calendars I use: my personal planner I carry around, my google calendar, my work calendar and my home calendar.

8. As I get older I swear I’m getting more emotional and more OCD, I don’t much like it.

9. I’m proof you can meet some of the most important people in your life online because Gwen came to visit us nearly a year ago and I love her even more now. I can’t imagine her not in my life. We are very different but we’re the same where it really counts.

10. I’ve come to realize I really have a passion for my television shows, when I love a show I obsess over it. See: Skins, Veronica Mars, etc.

11. My brain never ever turns off, if you think it’s annoying how much I analize things imagine what it’s like to be in my head.

12. I listen to a ton of audiobooks because of how much I drive and I spend most of my time at work listening to podcasts. I mostly listen to NPR, Savage Love and a local radio station.

13. I have a minor obsession with pens and paper, I love going to places like Staples.

14. I have a very special relationship with my furkid Pilot. He’ll look up at me from the floor when I’m on the sofa and give me this sad look like “can I cuddle?” When I go to bed he runs in after me and jumps on the bed. He’s totally a momma’s boy.

15. I also have a special relationship with Aurora but she’s a daddy’s girl. Manly Man thinks she’s afraid of me because I pick her up all the time and she hates it. If she were afraid of me she’d cower, which she doesn’t, she just finds me really annoying and wants nothing to do with me.

I could say do photography full time but I’m not even convinced that is something I want to do full time. I love the photography end of it but the business part is where I keep digging in my heals: I DON’T WANNA!!

This is going to sound strange coming from me but the one thing I really hope to do in my life is be a real stepmother. I’m fairly certain I’m not meant to give birth but I would love to have a relationship with my husband’s daughter. I would love for her to spend time at our house and be able to be a part of our families.

I would love to give her advice and share what I’ve learned about the world around me. I would love to see the bond between the love of my life and his daughter. I would love to hear her thoughts and opinions. I would love to have the opportunity to make a difference in her life and have her do the same to me.

I’ve given up hope but I still think about it sometimes. Every once and a while I have that ting of hope, of possibilities, but then I remember what we are up against and how impossible the odds are.