Never Gave Up

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I’ve been overweight most of my life. I was skinny for a few years towards the end of high school and in college, mostly because I was starving myself. I remember well gaining the weight and convincing myself I could stop it but somehow it kept creeping back on. I remember once thinking 190 was astronomical and that I might as well die only to end up gaining another 35 pounds on top of that. I had to get to a point where I kind of accepted it because crying myself to sleep and hating myself for everything was no way to live.

One thing I refused to do, and still refuse to do, is to give up regular clothes. I didn’t want to stop caring about how I looked and I absolutely refused to give up on buttoned pants. I totally know how easy it is to just go the stretchy pants way and luckily I didn’t HAVE to go that direction but I could have. Instead I found comfortable clothes, mostly Old Navy, to make me feel good at whatever weight I was. However I admit I do have leggings and I do enjoy wearing them sometimes, I just never wanted to depend on them.

I also have always tried to continue to push myself despite how out of shape I’ve been for such a long time. I’ve pushed myself to go white water rafting, zip lining and even the other day I did a 3 mile hike through our woods. The last 1/2 mile I thought I’d die but I didn’t, I made it. I never wanted to give up and just be fat, I wanted to be someone in bad shape that hasn’t given up hope yet.

The surgery is my next step in not giving up.

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