I started this private journey because I haven’t told anyone yet. I am not ashamed at all, I just know this discussion is important to have face to face because people make assumptions about it. I have my own website that I will upload these to when I fully put my journey out there but until then I wanted somewhere I could process each step I go through. This is so much more than a physical journey, it’s even more so an emotional journey.
I pushed off the idea of bariatric surgery for a long time. Once an endocrinologist suggested I get gastric surgery and I was offended as I was only like 70 lbs overweight. Mind you, it took me years to accept that I was actually fat and not just a little on the heavy side. I have so much mental crap surrounding my weight that it’s taken me a long time to really work through everything and not live everyday in complete shame. I used to cry myself to sleep for everything I ate that day.
I think a big part of my journey was meeting my husband and having someone that I could fully 100% trust to be myself. He truly loves me for who I am and it helped me do the same or at least like and accept who I am. I now am happy with who I am but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to work towards being a better me.
The biggest reason for deciding to do a sleevectomy is that I’ve been living with back pain for more than 2 years now every single day. There were times I wanted to die the pain was so bad. Now I have to take pain medication everyday to survive but at least I don’t want to die anymore. I have a whole list of other medical problems, some I can’t bare to share with anyone other than my husband.
I want to feel better, that is the main reason for me going through all of this. I want find myself again and not feel trapped. I want to have energy and go on more adventures. I want to find me again because despite being happy I lost the real me a long time ago, I just learned to live with the me I had become.
I’m only at the beginning steps of all of this. I’ve had 1 appointment and have a big day long immersion thing next week. Here we go!