The Beginning

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I started this private journey because I haven’t told anyone yet. I am not ashamed at all, I just know this discussion is important to have face to face because people make assumptions about it. I have my own website that I will upload these to when I fully put my journey out there but until then I wanted somewhere I could process each step I go through. This is so much more than a physical journey, it’s even more so an emotional journey.

I pushed off the idea of bariatric surgery for a long time. Once an endocrinologist suggested I get gastric surgery and I was offended as I was only like 70 lbs overweight. Mind you, it took me years to accept that I was actually fat and not just a little on the heavy side. I have so much mental crap surrounding my weight that it’s taken me a long time to really work through everything and not live everyday in complete shame. I used to cry myself to sleep for everything I ate that day.

I think a big part of my journey was meeting my husband and having someone that I could fully 100% trust to be myself. He truly loves me for who I am and it helped me do the same or at least like and accept who I am. I now am happy with who I am but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to work towards being a better me.

The biggest reason for deciding to do a sleevectomy is that I’ve been living with back pain for more than 2 years now every single day. There were times I wanted to die the pain was so bad. Now I have to take pain medication everyday to survive but at least I don’t want to die anymore. I have a whole list of other medical problems, some I can’t bare to share with anyone other than my husband.

I want to feel better, that is the main reason for me going through all of this. I want find myself again and not feel trapped. I want to have energy and go on more adventures. I want to find me again because despite being happy I lost the real me a long time ago, I just learned to live with the me I had become.

I’m only at the beginning steps of all of this. I’ve had 1 appointment and have a big day long immersion thing next week. Here we go!

4 Comments

  1. brazencam

    May 29, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    This is very moving. I am sure you will find many readers and supporters here. Welcome to the journey. Can’t wait to read more from you!

    1. Robin

      May 29, 2015 at 7:23 pm

      Wow, thank you so much.

  2. karriechappell

    May 31, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    I too am starting this journey. Best of luck to you! I have one more class and then insurance approval. Hoping to have the procedure end of June first of July. Haven’t told a lot of people myself. Partly because I have made up my mind and don’t want any negativity dragging me backward. Head up. Be proud that you made the decision and you showed up to the first appointment. Showing up is hard!

    1. Robin

      June 1, 2015 at 11:48 am

      Oh you’re journey is coming to the big dramatic part, exciting. Best of luck! I think that’s partly why I’m not telling anyone and partly because I want to wait until it’s really really happening to put it out there. I definitely don’t want to pretend like it isn’t happening.

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