More Than Words
No, this is not about the Jimmy Fallon music video made with Jack Black that is all over social media, this is about me.
I’ve been saying forever about wanting to move on and wanting to let go. I’ve never pretended like this was an easy thing to do but I’ve often talked about it being something I was working on. Well, now I kind of see it as something I wanted to do but wasn’t really putting in the real effort to achieve. Hell I’ve talked for a while about getting “let go” tattooed on my wrist but maybe actually finding a way to do it would be a good first step.
I started reading a book Love Your Enemies: How to Break the Anger Habit and Be a Whole Lot Happier thanks to —>Ro<— who recommended it to me and bought me a copy as well. I started reading it right away and in the first chapter started to learn so much. I started to realize that my anger towards other people was so much more about me than it was about them and vice versa. Here are some things I learned:
- People that make assumptions about you – it’s more about them not understanding you or your situation and assuming is how they can resolve the misunderstanding.
- Continuing to use the same habitual thinking when dealing with someone you are angry with even though it failed every time before means nothing will be resolved.
- When we refuse to respond with anger then we decide that revenge is not the only option.
- Stepping away from assumptions and using kindness and compassion instead, taking time to really understand where the other person might be coming from.
- The worst enemy is our inner enemy and it comes out when our sense of self is threatened.
- Categorizing others as right or wrong helps us feel secure so we know where everyone, including ourselves, stand.
- Putting other people in a completely different category from us objectifies them and creates tensions.
- Refusing to allow yourself to be trapped in the role of victim or aggressor.
- When angry, pause (for as long as you need) until it passes and you may not feel the level of anger you had before.
- Stop and really think about your anger. Do you remember where it even came from? Is it helping you any or anyone else? Is it a worthwhile thing to focus on or, like for myself, is it totally ridiculous?
The very moment I suddenly thought to myself: why am I angry? Is this what I’m really making myself sick over? That’s when I honestly felt a huge sense of relief, a weight lifted if you may. Once I decided to just let go forever my feelings of anger that’s when I realized how pointless it all was.
Now maybe it’s time to get that tattoo…