All or Nothing
It’s really easy to have expectations of people in your life but it’s the best way to be disappointed. I think as you get to know someone you kind of learn what you get from them but as a relationship changes you have to change what you expect from them.
Imagine you are married and you expect that your husband will be there for you in the hard times and will make you feel loved. Say you get divorced, your expectations for that person will probably change since their relationship with you has changed and how you expect them to treat you has changed as well.
I love being there for my friends as much as I can be and luckily my friends know that sometimes I simply can’t be there for them how I’d like to. Maybe they are too far away or maybe my commute is just killing me and I can’t make a drive out to see them but hopefully I can make future plans with them. Most of my friends know how I am and what they can get from me. Sometimes I dissapoint and sometimes they disappoint me but that’s part of relationships.
When a relationship changes and it turns into something you don’t recognize anymore you might alter how you respond to them. A relationship that was once very close won’t be treated the same way when they have become really distant. When I distance myself from someone because it’s become painful and unhealthy I pull away 100%. I can’t partially distance myself because I know somehow I will get hurt again.
I’m just not strong enough to reach out to someone I’ve been so hurt from in the past and honestly I don’t particularly want them to reach out to me. If this person has gone from close friend to distant friend they are in the back of my mind. I would also figure that since the relationship was so toxic on both ends that the last thing that person would want in a bad time is the person that makes them feel bad.
But I can’t be made to feel bad or wrong for how I deal with things. When I distance myself I do it 100% and sending cards isn’t something I feel the need to do all the time, I don’t care about those things. If I haven’t spoken to you in over a year and I have no idea what’s going on in your life why would I reach out to you about an unfortunate incident in your life?
I want to be a part of someone’s life in a real way or not at all, it’s how I am.
This post is brought to you by me dealing with my own shit.