Maybe it’s me being really sensitive, it’s been known to happen, but I get the feeling that some people just assume that if you are overweight it means you aren’t trying to be healthy. I admit, I’m not perfect, I make mistakes but just about every single day I am trying and trying really hard.
I think it’s important to understand that not everyone has the same struggle with weight loss. Things that factor in are age, genes, illnesses and lifestyle. I’m 34, which means my metabolism has slowed almost entirely so most of what I do makes no difference in weight loss. I have shitty genes which have made it difficult my whole life. I have hypothyroidism, which I’ve written about before, sometimes it drags me down so much I can barely function much less go to the gym. I work 40 hours a week and commute between 10 and 20 hours a week. By the time I get off of the highway (with still 20 minutes to drive home) sometimes I just can’t get to the gym. I suppose you can still hold that one over me but add in the hypothyroidism I am nearly falling asleep at the wheel.
Right now I feel drained and weak, like my arms have weights attached to the wrists. Truthfully, this may be because of the croissant I had this morning, which wasn’t a good idea but I didn’t leave enough time to get ready this morning and was rushed. I was already hungry on the road after 20 minutes and knew I’d go nuts stuck on the highway. Still, this was my bad and I knew it at the time. I got myself a smoothie from Starbucks later though.
Sometimes I feel like I’m lazy and pathetic, maybe that’s part of it but I know that it’s so much more than that. I know I’m not just lazy but that I feel like I’m being dragged down sometimes. It’s not just being tired a lot but feeling lightheaded, foggy and drained. The best way I could explain it would be to suggest you walk around carrying a 20 lb weight on your back. I remember how it felt not to have this so I know there is a better way to live.
I probably need to find the right doctor, because the doctors I’ve found haven’t helped at all. I need to figure out what can get me out of the fog and what can give me more energy, it’s often avoiding sugar and white flour. Problem is I’m already at a point where I constantly crave it but I do a pretty good job of avoiding it.
So when people treat me like I’m not trying I want to cry, if you only fucking knew.