How Friendships Work Apparently

Yes, my zen comes with a dose of sarcasm

I read this great post recently and it had me thinking about the things I’ve felt were missing from friendships of mine over the years and what in the list I contribute to.

The missing pieces:

#2 Be fun and light – I’ve needed more friends in my life that can poke fun at things and not take every little thing so seriously. I need to be able to poke fun at their music choices and they poke fun at my tv shows.

#3 Don’t be scared to tell the truth – I’m terrified to tell most of my friends the truth, this has been something that has been a huge issue for me over my entire life. Whenever I speak up, it blows up in my face. Maybe it’s in my delivery, I don’t know, I would love to know.

#5 Someone who calls or writes just to say hello – I feel like a lot of friends will show up when shit goes down or when a really big event happens but then disappears when things are just ok. I feel like I’m often the one reaching out asking how they are doing on an average day just to catch up.

#6 Be loyal in confidence and character – I tend to have an inkling when something is up, when something isn’t right. Friends will say “no everything is fine” and then I learn that actually no it wasn’t, I want friends who will put it all out there.

#9 Be who you truly are-be that vulnerable – If we are close friends but you put up a wall, trying to be perfect, then I don’t know you at all. Your marriage, your job and your life doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s ok to be flawed because I’m flawed too.

#19 Don’t hold grudges over petty disagreements – a real friendship shouldn’t be tested by a social network.

#21 A true friend is someone you feel as comfortable with as you do when you are by yourself – The only person I can be myself with 100% is Manly Man and the next closest person to that is Gwen but that was for 4 days.

#23 Don’t let your own stuff get in the way – please. seperate your own shit from my shit and go from there.

#24 Know someone’s least admirable characteristics and still love and support them – I know I have a lot of annoying things about me but if you were really my friend, you’d love me anyway and maybe even find them amusing.

For me to learn:

#10 Be genuinely happy when they get, receive, or achieve something you truly desire – I get jealous, I hate that about myself and it’s something I want to work on. I need to realize when I am in that headspace and find a way to deal with it so I can move on.

#13 Accept the person as they are, as an individual, without conditions – I can be so fucking judgemental, I’m well aware of this. There are certains things that are really hard to accept about people, I have yet to master this one.

#16 Help yourself and those closest to you grow – I could reach out and try to help my friends grow more, looking back I really wish I had.

#17 Celebrate the wins and being there to support the losses – In big events in a friends life like when someone dies or maybe when they are having a baby I tend to back off. I don’t do this because I don’t care, I do this because in these situations my first instinct is to give space and to not intrude. I tend to find that people get upset when I do this but I swear that my intention is not to not be there, I just always feel like I’m a burden.

#24 Know someone’s least admirable characteristics and still love and support them. Yeah I think this is something we can all work on, am I right?


  1. Gwen maddison

    March 26, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    I made the list! In a good way!

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