The Single Life
It’s strange to me that even though I’ve been in a serious relationship for more than 7 years now I still remember vividly what it was like to be single. Before Manly Man I’d never had a relationship last beyond about a year and most of the involvements I’d had (I’m not even sure if I can call them relationships) lasted only about 3 months. Also, every single time I had a breakup it took me a good 6 months (at least) to get over it.
Most of my dating years I remember feeling like there was no way anyone in this world could love me for me. Every person I dated or was interested in it usually didn’t work out because something about me didn’t suit them. I only ever really broke up with like 2 people and one of those I got back together with the guy several times so I’m not sure it even counts.
One guy broke up with me by just basically starting to date someone else openly when our relationship had been completely private. I saw him walking and holding another girl’s hand on campus and realized he and I were over. When I finally talked to him he said I was an “emotional rollercoaster” and when I mentioned this to a mutual friend she said that I was going to have to find a guy who could really handle me.
I never forgot that. I think for a long period of time after that I stopped caring about relationships and just decided to have fun, which is not nearly as easy for me as it might be for some. I was certain at that point the likelyhood of me finding someone who loved me for me and whom I felt the same about was basically zero.
By the time I met Manly Man I’d written off relationships entirely and when we first started hanging out I told him I didn’t want something serious. I remember thinking a month before I met him that I couldn’t remember what it felt like to be held by a guy, to lie in a guy’s arms. That feeling is something you never forget. I also will never forget how it felt to have my heart broken, all I need to do is hear some song and it all floods back.
I have the love of my life now, someone who really truly loves me for me. I never thought he’d come. I didn’t think he exhisted. He showed up when I never expected him to and came in a package I wasn’t planning for. Still, I went through a lot to get to this place. I got my heart broken so many times my own father asked me once how I as still standing. I felt lonely so many days and was certain I was unloveable. We never really know how this journey will play out and when we’ll find a partner but we all have to walk the path to find that missing piece.