My Fascination With The Disturbed
I have a fascination with things that are disturbing. I read true crime books, watch true crime shows, I love abandoned buildings (particularly the mental hospitals), I seak out those movies that most people can’t bare to sit through and someday I genuinely hope to visit Chernobyl.
Many times my husband, who is weird in his own way, has looked at me quisically and asked me if I’m sure that something isn’t wrong with me. I get funny looks when I get emphatic talking about a serial killer or the book American Psycho. I can’t help myself, these things fascinate me.
I choose to believe this all started due to my parents showing me movies like Them and some other movie similar to that but with big spiders. These gave me nightmares but I think it set something inside of me that wants to push my nerves to the limit while watching a movie. It’s like going on roller coasters for me, once it starts I question my sanity and wish I could turn back but the adrenaline keeps me going.
Also, for as long as I can remember my parents would tell me about this little B movie (I think now a “B” might be too kind) they saw in college and how disgusting it was. They would go on and on about it and all I could think was “I have to see this.” The movie was Pink Flamingos and I finally got to see it in college, it did not disappoint.
I went to a church group thing, it’s where my friends went so I went along, and they showed the movie Fear, Anxiety and Depression. How they were able to show this in a church group I will never know but that was my first introduction to Todd Solondz, he still knows how to make my skin crawl like nobody’s business.
Of course I usually learn about these movies because someone somewhere mentions some disturbing movie and my first instinct is that I have to see it. That’s what I thought at first when I heard about The Centipede. Then I watched the trailer right before bed and found I had to sleep with the lights on. After movies like Eraserhead, Happiness and Gummo have I finally found my limit?
[I considered linking to these movies but it would take me forever so you are just going to have to google them if you are curious.]