Be Where You Want To Be

I hear all the time people talking about so-and-so who left their spouse or dumped their significant other. They talk about how they abandoned them and how selfish they are. This is something I just don’t understand. Isn’t this really a good thing? If you don’t want to be here, don’t be here. Who wants someone at their party who obviously wants to be anywhere else but here?

I got to thinking about this hearing about some people’s thoughts on the book Eat Pray Love and how selfish this woman was leaving a perfectly good marriage to run around the world. Wait. Following your own dreams is selfish? I’ve been told several times how selfish I am because when it comes down to it I do think of myself first. I don’t do this over other people well-being or walk all over people, I just know that I need to consider myself first because no one else is going to.

You see, if my husband was really feeling like I wasn’t the person he really wanted to be with or if he really wanted to be somewhere else, then I certainly wouldn’t want him staying around out of obligation. We only get this one life and if we get the opportunity we should follow as many of our dreams as we can. I know if I felt like I needed to go to Europe for a year alone he would understand, he would be sad, but he would know that this was something I needed to do.

So, don’t stay with someone just because you feel you have to or that you owe them. Don’t keep a friendship going with someone who you don’t enjoy their company. Life is too short to spend time with anyone who doesn’t truly make your life better just by being in it.

18 Comments

  1. Amanda

    August 12, 2010 at 9:45 am

    I tend to put myself first, too. I mean, not in an asshole way. But if everyone worried more about their own business and less about everyone elses, I think we’d be doing a lot better

    1. Robin

      August 12, 2010 at 12:30 pm

      @Amanda, I know what you mean. I’m happy to be there for friends and to help others but I think YOU have to be your first priority.

  2. Diane

    August 12, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Well said! I agree with you completely.

    1. Robin

      August 12, 2010 at 12:30 pm

      @Diane, Always wonderful to hear.

  3. jen

    August 12, 2010 at 11:02 am

    I agree. in eat pray love, her marriage wasn’t great. at least that is what I remember. she felt trapped. and she wasn’t happy, so what she did was not selfish imo.

    “Who wants someone at their party who obviously wants to be anywhere else but here?” exactly.

    1. Robin

      August 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm

      @jen, It’s been a while since I read the book, I don’t remember enough to say one way or the other but that was the gist I got from some reviews online.

    1. Robin

      August 24, 2010 at 8:04 am

      @Avitable, I thought so.

  4. Grant

    August 12, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Your opinion will further abortion, terrorism, gayness, and will make the baby Jesus cry. The Pope does not approve. Satan and I are on your side, however.

    1. Robin

      August 24, 2010 at 8:04 am

      @Grant, as long as Satan is on my side.

  5. Shelli

    August 12, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    My comment sort of relates to several of your recent posts…You’ll get there. You are realizing more of who you’d like to grow to be and I think when you strive for those things, then they’ll come to you.

    1. Robin

      August 24, 2010 at 8:06 am

      @Shelli, it’s such a back and forth thing. i think it may be driving me crazy.

  6. Chibi Jeebs

    August 13, 2010 at 1:16 am

    Oh my god, YES.

    While it would positively gut me to have Chebbar leave me (well, at least at this point in our relationship where everything IS good?), I think being aware that he was staying when he didn’t want to would be far more damaging – I never wanted a pity date: why would I want a pity relationship? I sure as hell don’t want to be the reason my partner – the person I claim to love – is unhappy.

    1. Robin

      August 24, 2010 at 8:13 am

      @Chibi Jeebs, exactly.

  7. Cissa Fireheart

    August 13, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    Eerily enough, my husband and I just had a conversation about this last night. I told him that if he ever fell out of love for me, I would want him to leave, because, who wants to be in a marriage without love? And because I do love him, I would want him to BE HAPPY, and I hoped he would feel the same.

    I’m kinda selfish too. if I had the resources and I were in the character’s situation, I might do something like that….only my getaway would be the UK…but that’s me…I mean heck, even now I do selfish things that don’t include my husband because they make ME happy. I am not responsible for his happiness, only my own. What we all do for ourselves is #1 priority. Like you said, we get this one existence (well I belive we get more, but that’s another subject for another day), we might as well make the most out of it!

    1. Robin

      August 24, 2010 at 8:14 am

      @Cissa Fireheart, UK for me as well. I know my husband would understand if I had to do something for myself and particularly if I planned to come back to him.

  8. Pauline

    August 13, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    LOL@ Grant’s comment.

    While I definitely agree that you shouldn’t stay with someone unless you respect them and like them and vice versa, I do think that loyalty can be undervalued. (Cheating websites and online role playing games anyone?) Some people just can’t accept that a relationship, particularly a romantic one, is not always fireworks and magic. That sometimes you fight and things are boring. These people tend to bounce from one relationship to another when things get a little rocky, rather than talk with the person or ride it out. This is obviously not healthy and is selfish.

    But luckily many people who get divorced don’t fit into this bad behaviour and often times people grow apart or got married in a hurry for the wrong reasons.

    1. Robin

      August 24, 2010 at 8:16 am

      @Pauline, Oh I agree, totally, I’m not speaking of loyalty or perfectly happy marriages. I’m speaking of the ones where people are miserable and hanging on for the obligation reasons. That just makes me sad, it happens so much. Either go get therapy, take a break from each other or move on.

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