My Fake Confidence
Iâ€™m not a very confident person, I never have been. I mean, Iâ€™ve had my things that Iâ€™ve had confidence with but they were always few and far between. Iâ€™ve always thought Iâ€™ve had a knack for reviewing movies, in some ways I think I could have made it a career if I had wanted it bad enough. Iâ€™d always thought I was a great dancer but over the past few years, getting older, I donâ€™t think I move like I used to.
For a while now Iâ€™ve been really faking my confidence with photography. Manly Man always says if itâ€™s something you donâ€™t think you can do, just pretend you can. So Iâ€™ve been pretending and along with all this pretending I guess I started learning stuff. How did that happen?
I still find myself out in the trenches taking pictures of kids, families and couples thinking â€œdo these people realize I am just imitating a photographer and that Iâ€™m not actually a photographer?â€ I find myself confused and lost and wondering every single time Iâ€™m doing a shoot that Iâ€™m going to totally fuck this up. Iâ€™m going to take horrible pictures and the clients are going to be really pissed.
Then I come home. I download all the pictures off my camera. Sometimes I peak but often I wait until the next day to see how much I screwed it up. The next day I force myself to sit and look through the pictures and I find myself thinking â€œdid I really take these pictures?â€
Then this weekend, suddenly out of nowhere, I had real confidence about my pictures.
Ok so I am not bursting at the seems about my photography. I donâ€™t think Iâ€™m the best there is or that Iâ€™m the next Annie Lebowitz or anything. In fact I still have a lot of fear and anxiety about the entire thing. I still donâ€™t know where Iâ€™m going with it all.
But dam, I got some good shots.
Pictures by Accidental Beauty Photography.