My Fake Confidence

I’m not a very confident person, I never have been. I mean, I’ve had my things that I’ve had confidence with but they were always few and far between. I’ve always thought I’ve had a knack for reviewing movies, in some ways I think I could have made it a career if I had wanted it bad enough. I’d always thought I was a great dancer but over the past few years, getting older, I don’t think I move like I used to.

For a while now I’ve been really faking my confidence with photography. Manly Man always says if it’s something you don’t think you can do, just pretend you can. So I’ve been pretending and along with all this pretending I guess I started learning stuff. How did that happen?

I still find myself out in the trenches taking pictures of kids, families and couples thinking “do these people realize I am just imitating a photographer and that I’m not actually a photographer?” I find myself confused and lost and wondering every single time I’m doing a shoot that I’m going to totally fuck this up. I’m going to take horrible pictures and the clients are going to be really pissed.

Then I come home. I download all the pictures off my camera. Sometimes I peak but often I wait until the next day to see how much I screwed it up. The next day I force myself to sit and look through the pictures and I find myself thinking “did I really take these pictures?”

Then this weekend, suddenly out of nowhere, I had real confidence about my pictures.

Ok so I am not bursting at the seems about my photography. I don’t think I’m the best there is or that I’m the next Annie Lebowitz or anything. In fact I still have a lot of fear and anxiety about the entire thing. I still don’t know where I’m going with it all.

But dam, I got some good shots.

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Pictures by Accidental Beauty Photography.

15 Comments

  1. Miss Britt

    June 23, 2010 at 8:30 am

    Robin, you are so very brave.

    Bravery and courage, is, in my opinion, doing things even though we are afraid.

    And yeah, you really DID get some amazing shots. I’m so glad you know that, too.

    xo <— because this post makes me want to hug you

    1. Robin

      June 23, 2010 at 10:32 am

      @Miss Britt: *hug* thank you. i’m not used to facing my fears, I usually avoid them like the plague.

  2. Alissa

    June 23, 2010 at 8:30 am

    Hahaha, I do the same. I’m not quite as far in my career with Photography as you are, but I just read an article the other day about how if you’ve stopped thinking “Am I good enough?”, you probably shouldn’t be in photography anymore. It’s like you keep growing each time you shoot. I did a photoshoot the other day and it was low lighting and my D60 does not do well in low light (even outside!) and I brought my images back and I hate most of them. Now I feel like I’m letting the model down and that I suck.

    1. Robin

      June 23, 2010 at 10:34 am

      @Alissa: Actually every single time I do a shoot I’m like "wow, this makes the last shoot look kind of shitty" and i’ll probably think the same about this one after the next one.

  3. Pauline

    June 23, 2010 at 10:40 am

    Confidence is a constant slippery slope and it takes a lot of work to achieve on a more permanent basis! You have a great eye, keeping on snapping! 🙂

    1. Robin

      June 28, 2010 at 7:58 am

      @Pauline: thank you Pauline.

    1. Robin

      June 28, 2010 at 7:59 am

      @Amanda:Thanks Amanda!

  4. Tug

    June 23, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    You captured some great expressions, loving the girl in the middle in that last shot!

    1. Robin

      June 28, 2010 at 7:59 am

      @Tug: She was amazing.

  5. Angie

    June 25, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    They really are beautiful. Not that I know anything about photography, but I know pretty when I see it. Going to go look at more of your stuff now.

    1. Robin

      June 28, 2010 at 7:59 am

      @Angie: Thanks so much, glad you enjoy it.

  6. Liz Hill

    June 28, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Your work is special. Believe it.

    You got some amazing shots.

    1. Robin

      June 29, 2010 at 7:57 am

      @Liz Hill: thank you so much!

  7. subWOW

    July 5, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Those ARE beautiful pictures with heart. (I can’t stand faky pictures even though my own wedding photos fall squarely in that category… LOL)

    I want to tell you you are crazy for doubting yourself, but I know how you feel, if you’d allow me to say this… You have to feel confidence in your heart. It does not matter how much people tell you how great you are. YOU have to believe in it. And oftentimes that’s the hardest part. We have faith in you. We are rooting for you. 🙂

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