Under The Surface
Itâ€™s been well known throughout my years of being on this earth that I am way more sensitive of a person than most people are. I know this, Iâ€™ve always been one that can cry at the drop of a hat and feel way more than maybe I should in any given situation.
I feel too much and I see too much, every little detail I notice. Sometimes, like with photography, this is a good thing but most of the time it is just a pain in the ass. I canâ€™t help it, I see too much and itâ€™s one of the reasons I have such bad anxiety. All the little things just keep adding up until itâ€™s all I can see, like a swarm of bees.
I start to hope, maybe someone will clue me in or explain things to me or just talk to me, but it never happens. Because I donâ€™t want to pretend everything is just fine when to me they are clearly not. Of course, this means I am causing dramaâ€¦
I really donâ€™t like drama, it causes me anxiety. I just like people to be honest with me and tell me they have a problem with me than to flat out deny it. I canâ€™t deal with that and I shouldnâ€™t have to.
Weâ€™re all passive aggressive online, itâ€™s just what it is, but when you say something and someone confronts you about it and then you flat out deny it, thatâ€™s when you realize, fuck, Iâ€™m not even worth your honesty.
If I am wrong I will admit it. I will come out and say, I misread everything, but I donâ€™t think that is the case. I know that I really need to not care what others think of me and let that be their problem but sometimes you just snap.
This post is not meant to cross any lines or hurt anyone’s feelings, I’m just working through my own feelings. I am also just distancing myself right now so things don’t get out of hand, not cutting anyone out, just putting distance between.