Under The Surface

It’s been well known throughout my years of being on this earth that I am way more sensitive of a person than most people are. I know this, I’ve always been one that can cry at the drop of a hat and feel way more than maybe I should in any given situation.

I feel too much and I see too much, every little detail I notice. Sometimes, like with photography, this is a good thing but most of the time it is just a pain in the ass. I can’t help it, I see too much and it’s one of the reasons I have such bad anxiety. All the little things just keep adding up until it’s all I can see, like a swarm of bees.

I start to hope, maybe someone will clue me in or explain things to me or just talk to me, but it never happens. Because I don’t want to pretend everything is just fine when to me they are clearly not. Of course, this means I am causing drama…

I really don’t like drama, it causes me anxiety. I just like people to be honest with me and tell me they have a problem with me than to flat out deny it. I can’t deal with that and I shouldn’t have to.

We’re all passive aggressive online, it’s just what it is, but when you say something and someone confronts you about it and then you flat out deny it, that’s when you realize, fuck, I’m not even worth your honesty.

If I am wrong I will admit it. I will come out and say, I misread everything, but I don’t think that is the case. I know that I really need to not care what others think of me and let that be their problem but sometimes you just snap.

This post is not meant to cross any lines or hurt anyone’s feelings, I’m just working through my own feelings. I am also just distancing myself right now so things don’t get out of hand, not cutting anyone out, just putting distance between.

10 Comments

  1. Maureen

    December 8, 2009 at 10:12 am

    ((hug)) I like to think that I’ve finally figured out how to get past all of that internet passive aggressive drama. But, I’m thinking either it’s because I’m not putting myself out there in the same way that I used to -or- I’ve just been lucky lately.

    Hope it blows over for you soon

    1. Robin

      December 9, 2009 at 11:07 am

      @Maureen, I think just everyone always likes you, they can’t help it.

  2. Grant

    December 8, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    I’ve gotten over my aversion to drama and now I enjoy it when I ruffle people’s feathers. Down with xtians, gays, the unemployed, and white people.

    1. Robin

      December 9, 2009 at 11:09 am

      @Grant, you are so badass.

  3. Barb

    December 8, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    (((hugs))) If it weren’t for sensitive people, there wouldn’t be any artists in the world. 🙂

  4. submom

    December 8, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Hey, {{{hugs}}} Lots of luck on working everything out.

  5. Avitable

    December 9, 2009 at 10:58 am

    I don’t know that we’re ALL passive-aggressive online. I tell people what I feel and how I feel. If someone wants to assume I have a problem with them, that’s their fault, not mine. I would tell them before it was ever an issue.

    1. Robin

      December 9, 2009 at 11:12 am

      @Avitable, I didn’t mean all are, but it’s around a lot. I’m trying not to do it myself but it’s hard when nobody really wants to be truthful and real with each other anymore.

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