I’ve always wondered how women (or men for that matter) can somehow keep going back to significant others that treat them so badly. I never understood the concept of letting a lover treat you so badly and to keep going back for more.
Turns out, however, I do the same thing but with friends. Ever since I was a little kid I’ve had at least one friend out of a whole group that bullies me and makes me feel bad about myself. Quite honestly, for years this was really all I knew about friendship. I’ve mentioned it so many times but I am really fucked up when it comes to friends, I’ve been through the wringer so many times I wouldn’t even know where to start.
Apparently it’s not a good thing if you are afraid of your friends. It’s also, surprisingly, not a good thing if you are always walking on eggshells around them because you don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. I also had no idea that all conversations are not supposed to turn into a temper tantrum. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?
There are a few friends in my life that fit this mold. Some have been this way, then for a good period of time turned around completely. I will almost forget things were ever bad between us and then suddenly the shit hits the fan again.
So I’m just as bad as people who keep going back to destructive boyfriends and girlfriends because somehow I keep going back. Something about these people I just can’t walk away. Is it ingrained in me from my years of the same thing or is it just this kind of person I am drawn to, someone aggressive and strong in a way I am not.
I don’t even believe it’s just them, I know I am a big part of the reason. If I stood up for myself more or stood my ground more. If I didn’t bite my tongue so much, if I were more honest even when I knew it would be the hardest direction to go. People can walk all over me because I continually let them.
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me. ~Henry Ford