This took me a few days and in the end I just couldn’t do a top 10, it would be so long. I realize you will all mock me because of the amount of times Kevin is listed here but you know what? Bite me :fu:
Name: John Doe (played by Kevin Spacey)
Strengths: Using a sledgehammer or whatever other instrument to get people’s attention, diary writing.
What sick ridiculous puppets we are / and what gross little stage we dance on / What fun we have dancing and fucking / Not a care in the world / Not knowing that we are nothing / We are not what was intended.
Wanting people to listen, you can’t just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you’ll notice you’ve got their strict attention.
Name: Donnie Dark (played by Jake Gyllenhaal)
Movie(s): Donnie Darko
Strengths: Time travel, extensive Smurf knowledge
Weaknesses: Masterbating while hypnotized, wandering in his sleep
First of all, Papa Smurf didn’t create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel’s evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn’t happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don’t even have… reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It’s just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what’s the point of living… if you don’t have a dick?
I promise, that one day, everything’s going to be better for you.
Name: Buddy Ackerman (played by Kevin Spacey)
Movie(s): Swimming With Sharks
Strengths: Getting what he wants, bullying assistants into submission, bagel throwing
Weaknesses: Anger issues
If they can’t start a meeting without you, well, that’s a meeting worth going to, isn’t it? And that’s the only kind of meeting you should ever concern yourselves with.
And now try to follow me, because I’m gonna be moving in a kind of circular motion, so if you pay attention, there will be a point!
And when you’re done with her, west lobby, tube dress, stiletto heels, hurry. Fetch!
You are nothing! If you were in my toilet I wouldn’t bother flushing it. My bathmat means more to me than you!
What, your job is unfair to you? Grow up, way it goes. People use you? Life’s unfair? Grow up, way it goes. Your girlfriend doesn’t love you? Tough shit, way it goes.
This is the only way that you can hope to survive. Because life… is not a movie. Everyone lies. Good guys lose. And love… does not conquer all.
You’re happy. I hate that!
Do me a fucking favor. Shut up, listen, and learn. Look, I know that this is your first day and you don’t really know how things work around here, so I will tell you. You have no brain. No judgement calls are necessary. What you think means nothing. What you feel means nothing. You are here for me. You are here to protect my interests and to serve my needs. So, while it may look like a little thing to you, when I ask for a packet of Sweet-N-Low, that’s what I want. And it’s your responsibility to see that I get what I want.
Name: Lester Burnham (played by Kevin Spacey)
Movie(s): American Beauty
Strengths: Making a mid-life crisis seem cool
Weaknesses: Pissing everyone off around him, being a doormat
1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I’ve always wanted and now I have it. I rule!
We’ve met before, but something tells me you’re going to remember me this time.
Smile! You’re at Mr. Smiley’s.
Look at me, jerking off in the shower… This will be the high point of my day; it’s all downhill from here.
I feel like I’ve been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I’m just now waking up.
Remember those posters that said, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”? Well, that’s true of every day but one – the day you die.
It’s a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself.
I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time… For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars… And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street… Or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper… And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand new Firebird… And Janie… And Janie… And… Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday
Name: Verbal Kint (played by Kevin Spacey)
Movie(s): The Usual Suspects
Strengths: Imagination, conversation
Weaknesses: Misleading an officer
Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala, we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees I mean. That was good. This is shit but, hey, I’m in a police station.
You think you can catch Keyser Soze? You think a guy like that comes this close to getting caught and sticks his head out? If he comes up for anything, it will be to get rid of me. After that… my guess is you’ll never hear from him again.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. And like that, poof. He’s gone.
How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?
Keaton always said, “I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of him.” Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.
A man can convince anyone he’s somebody else, but never himself.
And like that… he’s gone.