Me Without A Paddle
A little stress and adventure is good for you, if nothing else, just to prove you are alive. ~Lady Bird Johnson
I’ve lost a lot of faith and hope in myself over the years. I want to try new things and I want to push myself but I can’t seem to actually do it most of the time. I avoid gatherings and I push people away. I think it’s a mixture of not feeling I’m worthy and just plain constant misery.
But we are going on vacation to Maine with my parents and my brother and his girlfriend. We are staying in a cabin on a lake, which is pretty close to perfection in my eyes. The main reason for the trip is to go white water rafting though.
When I first went white water rafting I don’t think I really knew what I was getting myself into. I knew you went in a raft and it was fast and exciting but there is a lot more to it. I’ve been on speed boats a lot, I’ve been sailing, I’ve been to camp you know. I’m damn Davy Crocket or some adventurous woodsman.
First of all the last and only other time I went was like 10 years ago, so I was much younger and in much better shape. Second my dad purposely chose a more advanced white water rafting this time because he’s obviously insane. In fact I only found out last night that in the levels of 1 (easy) to 5 (holy fucking shit) we’re doing 4-5 level. Pardon? Are you trying to kill me??
The last time we went to western Massachusetts and it was beautiful out there. It’s hard to imagine there are parts of MA that are that secluded. I had a friend with me and I remember we even went out one night to find a bar and found a place where we got hit on by townies all night. It was amusing to say the least.
But back to my real point, white water rafting is more than just a raft and water. I thought the main point of it was to try to stear the thing with paddles but as I quickly learned it’s about holding on for your life. It bounces around so much paddles are almost pointless as I could tell, which is probably why I lost mine within about 30 seconds.
So I quickly learned I just had to grip the rope and try to keep out of everyone’s way I fucking fell out of the raft. Yes, the raft was still moving quickly and I fell out. One of my brother’s friends actually jumped in and pulled me back to the raft.
I felt like a complete moron. Not only could I not help stear. Not only did I lose my damn paddle down the river. But I fell out and had to be saved.
I think it’s safe to say I’ll probably make a fool of myself again but I figure the main thing to remember is I did not die but then that’s how I see just about everyday of my life anymore :dunno: