The other day I received an email that was completely unexpected. It was an apology. The incident that the apology was regarding was something I’d totally forgotten about and left behind me. It all went down during a chaotic time in my life where it was just one of the layers that was pushing me to my breaking limit.
I shared something personal with another person who used it against me only to hurt me. There are not many circumstances in life that I think it’s a one way street thing but this was just that. The only thing I did that I regret is send a very personal email to one too many people. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve no matter my lack of trust in everyone around me.
The email I sent out to this person was sent by this person to two other people (I do not know who but I can guess) who took the information and ran with it. Things were said in comments on blogs airing my private information and then a blog was made just to make a spectacle of myself and a few others. Were they trying to share the truth? I think they like to believe so but I believe they were just being spiteful, for whatever reason.
I’m not as tough as I pretend to be most of the time, it’s a layer I’ve built up since I was a teenager but it’s thin. I’m sensitive to the core, it’s easy to break me. After years of losing faith in people around me I have very little faith left. I was hurt very badly just for the sake of hurting me, which is something that sticks with you long after you forgot it.
Obviously, I’m an easy target and I always have been but if I am such an easy target doesn’t it make it that much more mean spirited to use me as a punching bag? It’s like beating up the scrawny little kid who can’t fight back.
But I am so thankful for the apology and it really did heal a little piece of my soul. Would I love it if the people who made the site about how horrible, fat and ugly I was apologized? Yeah but I’m not going to expect anything. I know it took a lot for the person to put aside their pride and admit to what they did.
I believe it’s never too late for an apology because every “I’m sorry” heals at least something inside the other person, maybe it doesn’t heal everything and maybe nothing they can feel or understand but something. Just knowing someone truly regrets the pain they might have caused you is a necessary part of moving on for everyone involved.