Dear Gynecologist

Dear Gynecologist:

I realize that sitting here in stirrups I’m not really in a position to ask for anything but I feel I really need to say something as my vagina is very important to me.

First, since you a replacement doctor for the doctor I loved who left this practice I want you to know I am trying to give you a fair shot. You do not appear to be as helpful or friendly as my last doctor but sometimes it takes a little time to solidify a relationship.

When I take time off of work to come to the doctors I understand that I am on your time schedule but I would appreciate not having to wait 1 hour plus to be seen. I realize all the pregnant ladies are more important than me but maybe we can leave my uterus out of this.

Just maybe before you decide to violate me in just about the worst possible way it might be nice if you discuss exactly what you are going to do to me. Maybe even run over the options as I can’t help but wonder if the procedure would have been less painful without the shot of anesthesia.

Also, I understand that looking at hoohas all day everyday has to be trying but I assume you get paid pretty well and you chose your profession so maybe you can just try to make our time together a little nicer. Maybe apologize for making me wait a hour or ask me how I’m doing aside from my nether regions.

I appreciate if you can consider any of these things I’ve discussed and I apologize for not shaving my legs.



ps. Also, when you give someone stitches it’s really just common courtesy to write them a vicodin prescription.



  1. Avitable

    May 14, 2009 at 9:06 am

    Did you have your testicles removed?

    1. Robin

      May 14, 2009 at 9:12 am

      @Avitable, Yes, do you want them?

      1. Avitable

        May 14, 2009 at 9:13 am

        @Robin, nah. I should be getting mine back at some point in the near future.

        1. Robin

          May 14, 2009 at 9:15 am

          @Avitable, It’s been a while now that Britt has had them, I have a feeling if she ever gives them back they won’t be in very good condition.

  2. Avitable

    May 14, 2009 at 9:20 am

    That’s true. And she does keep grabbing them and thrusting them in my face, too.

  3. whall

    May 14, 2009 at 10:08 am

    What, no pictures?

    I mean of the gynocologist, you pervs.

    I want something for my bedroom ceiling.

    1. Robin

      May 14, 2009 at 11:57 am

      @whall, trust me, you don’t.

  4. metalmom

    May 14, 2009 at 10:26 am

    My husband has done electrical work for our family doctor. Once he made hubby wait for 45 minutes and hubs threatened to bill him for his time when the doc next needed work done. Needless to say, we haven’t had to wait in his office for a long time!

    1. Robin

      May 14, 2009 at 11:58 am

      @metalmom, I would totally file a complaint but i’m running out of local gyns and i don’t want her to do worse to me next time.

  5. B

    May 14, 2009 at 11:01 am

    That’s what I hate about going to the doctor in general. You’re expected to let them know if you can’t make it or you’re late. If you don’t, there’s a fee. Yet a doctor can make you wait for an hour and you don’t get jack shit.

    1. Robin

      May 14, 2009 at 11:58 am

      @B, I know, i don’t get why they don’t just space out their appointments more.

  6. Tug

    May 14, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    Did you glitter yourself down there? Cut your pubes into a heart shape? That might make her friendlier next time. 😉

    Growing up in small town MT, I’d go to my (male) gyno (only doc within 80 miles) and then have to serve him lunch at the restaurant I worked at afterwards. The upside? When I had a gallbladder attack, he did a house call with a shot of demerol.

  7. Hannah

    May 15, 2009 at 7:39 am

    LOL. That’s is awful! You have to wonder why someone would want to spend all that time in school only to end up looking at vaginas all day. I mean, the perverted novelty must wear off after a time right?

  8. DutchBitch

    May 15, 2009 at 8:02 am

    OMG that sounds like it was oodles of fun… I nevah want your gynecologist. I’ll stick to mine, even though I also run into him in the personnel restaurant of the medical center here… at work…

  9. Maureen

    May 15, 2009 at 10:10 am

    Sounds ouchy! Hope you’re feeling better soon.

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