I learned a long time ago back when I was in college that I had to start figuring out what I needed and how to make me happy before anyone else. Some thought this was selfish but the way I see it, you can’t live your life for anyone else but yourself. Even though I figured this out I still have a hard time following it, mostly because some people don’t want to accept me as me.
What exactly is me? Well me is very complicated but for this specific discussion me means this:
- I don’t always like social group events, I have a tendency to avoid them, it’s a social phobia thing. I don’t know why I avoid one and not another. I would usually rather get together with one or two people at once than a big group. I’m a one-on-one kinda girl.
- I like to have my Sunday for me, to do things around the house, take some pictures or just rest, so therefore I don’t usually make plans on a Sunday unless it’s a 3 day weekend and then I do my resting on Monday. I drive 10-15 hours a week for work, if I am going to drive a lot on the weekend I will need a day off before going back to work.
- I don’t do sleepovers anymore, unless it’s like a thing where it’s a small get together thing where I can sleep in a bed. Years ago I made the decision not to sleep on the floor or sofas anymore, I pay a mortgage every month so I can sleep in a bed.
- I don’t go out drinking at bars, I do however go to a bar with one or two friends and get a couple cocktails, there is a big difference.
- I am not interested anymore in trying to relive my early twenties, they are long gone and better in the past.
Things I’m up for? Going out to see a movie or going out to dinner to get a couple drinks. Hanging out and talking. Going out for the day to walk and take pictures. I like casual but engaging.
I’m obviously really boring in my old age, I expect eventually most of my friends will be sick of me and move on. That’s cool, I’m at the age where I want to be around people who get me and accept my annoying quirks. The worst part is being the only one in one group who feels this way. I know Gemini agrees with some of these, we both get each other’s feelings on this subject. If she and I have plans she knows she can call me and just say “I’m having a blah day, I just want to stay home by myself” and I understand totally.
But when you are the only one who feels this way then you look like the unreasonable bitch, which is probably a realistic label for me, it puts you between a rock and a hard place. I seriously dread being put in this situation. I appreciate being invited but I don’t want to be cornered into coming. Why can’t I stand up to my friends or rather why do I seem to find friends who seem to overpower me?
I’m thinking I need to push the “crazy” envelope a little more from now on. When I get into this situation I am just going to start barking until it all goes away.