Thou Hast Big Rack
1. My uncle once: wore a dress, the colors weren’t flattering.
2. Never in my life: have I laughed at a Farelly brothers film and I’m quite proud too.
3. When I was five: I peed the bed but in my defense it was the eighties.
4. High school was: a blur of 90210 and Young Guns.
5. I will never forget: that Canada is keeping some of my favorite people hostage.
6. Once I met: Nancy Kerrigan but she didn’t quite like it when I fell to the floor grabbing my leg while whaling “why me?!?”
7. There’s this girl I know: who quotes Friends at the drop of the hat, how laaaaame.
8. Once, at a bar: I had no undies on, that’s all you get.
9. By noon, I’m usually: still 1/2 asleep, but at work anyway.
10. Last night: I was assaulted…by myself…
11. If only I had: a brain.
12. Next time I go to church: get baptized or at least get drunk.
13. What worries me most: is that Third Rock From the Sun may be a lot deeper than any of us realize or that I’m just really high.
14. When I turn my head left I see: oblivion.
15. When I turn my head right I see: corruption.
16. You know I’m lying when: I’m sober and you have drugs.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: Degrasi Jr. High, so what?
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: the one with the big rack.
19. I have a hard time understanding: David Lynch films and feel like I need a shower afterwards at the same time.
20. If I ever go back to school: I’ll actually go to class.