Chances

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. ~ Thomas Szasz

I don’t think there is anybody in this world that can say they haven’t made one or two big mistakes in their life. The kind of mistakes that throw your entire life into a tail spin and get out of control before you know it. The kind that twist everything you know so much it becomes unrecognizable.

Take me for example. I’ve made quite a few drastic mistakes in my life that I was never able to get out of unscarred. Back in the day when I was more of a forum fanatic instead of a blog whore I used to be a part of a stepmoms group. It was always tricky being in a group like that since A. I didn’t have any of my own children and most of them did B. I wasn’t “technically” a stepmom yet C. I had absolutely no relationship whatsoever with my stepdaughter. So I guess I never quite “fit in.”

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Every situation is different. In that situation, I should have gone to friends IRL instead of online, that was my first mistake but they none of my IRL friends could understand my situation. But I went into anxiety mode and turned everything into a three-ring circus. Sadly it happens to me all the time. Some people get into a situation, they take a moment to think logically and go from there, I am not one of those people.

I think everyone deserves a second chance. I think people don’t deserved to be ostracized or attacked for their mistakes. I think rubbing someone’s mistake in their face anonymously is cowardly.

I also think sometimes one wrong word can forever change things and there is no going back. I never went back to the forums but I truly believe it was the best thing, because I ended up here instead.

[tags]soapbox[/tags]

9 Comments

  1. H.

    October 24, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    I’ve had a very similar experience. I was going through a very rough patch and I made some bad choices. I also made the mistake of trusting some people with very personal information about my situation. At the peak of it all, I totally leaned on some people who publicized my problems and in turn contributed to them. As a result I received numerous threats through emails and texts (I’ve since changed my number). But, worse than that, I’ve been ,in a sense, blacklisted from the blogging community. People treat me like the plague based on hearsay. Not one person has taken the time to ask me what REALLY happened. They prefer to take the word of other people. It’s hurtful, yet they continue to do it.

    Incidentally, I have un-protected my blog because I’m sick of being made to feel ashamed because of how others wrongly perceive me.

    Off my soapbox now.

  2. Maureen Navadomskis

    October 25, 2008 at 10:39 am

    Forums are drama generators. Especially ones that are, as they most are, created to be support forums. Everyone who is there is mired in whatever situation it is that sent them out looking for support to begin with, there are just not enough people there who are strong enough in their own situation to lift others up.

    I’m glad to be away from the stepmom forums, too. Not that I wouldn’t have done them – I learned, grew, received some needed validation – but, I don’t know if I could or would go back.

  3. Jen

    October 25, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    I couldn’t agree with you more Robin. Everyone does deserve a second chance, and sometimes a third and a fourth.

    :hug:

  4. Avitable

    October 26, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    I think everyone deserves a second chance. Unless there’s violence involved.

    H, I don’t think you’ve been blacklisted. If anything, I think people would be happy to see that you’re doing okay. I know that I was. I can’t believe that somebody would have the gall to threaten you – that’s ridiculous. You did not, nor have you ever, deserved anything like that.

  5. Robin

    October 26, 2008 at 6:42 pm

    @H. – :hug:
    @Maureen Navadomskis – They certainly helped me through some bad times, but I think something just soured in the community, where it started to be more about the cliques than the supporting.
    @Jen – :thumbsup:
    @Avitable – Here is how I humbly see it. If someone is in a bad situation, they themselves have to get out of it themselves, nobody can fix someone else’s bad situation. I also believe that there are 3 sides to every story, the 2 people in it and the truth. And I also believe, strongly, that nobody really knows what is going on behind closed doors and sometimes these things (as in my situation) get blown out of proportion. I could either choose to believe what the masses were saying, who weren’t there, or I could choose to be a friend and listen to them.

  6. H.

    October 26, 2008 at 10:01 pm

    You ARE a good friend Robin. :hug:

  7. Gemini

    October 27, 2008 at 8:38 am

    I completely agree with what you are saying Robin. I remember what happened with the Forum and with H. It was a very bad situation both times.

    I wish that I knew then what I know now.. The Training that I have been taking has shown me that what the Mob did in both situations was the opposite of what would have helped either of you in the end.

    Hugs to you both and H I am glad that you are out of hiding and who ever did leave you nasty notes is a Coward for not owning their feelings.

    Hugs to you both! :hug:

  8. H.

    October 27, 2008 at 9:44 am

    Really, the thing that bothers me about how things were handled, is that I miss my old friends. I thought I had a lot of friends and I miss the interaction with them. (Thank god you and I reconnected last February, Robin!) For the most part, people read something out of context, believed what the mob believed and now avoid me like the plague.

    I honestly hate conflict. I hate having hard feelings toward other people. I hate unresolved issues. I hate feeling uncomfortable at the sight of a name or avatar simply because the hard feelings are there. Especially people who I thought I had real friendships with.

    Thank you for sharing your experience and putting up with me going on and on about mine in your comments. I want you to know that your post did do some good because I did receive some emails from old friends that put some of those hard feelings to ease. One, in particular who I’d rather not name but I know they read your blog and will hopefully read this comment, I hope you didn’t take my response to your email as a complete negative. The actual answer was “yes. you can. but if you do, please follow the conditions.” I hope you understand why the conditions are there and understand why I needed to say what I said in the beginning of it. Like I said. I hate having hard feelings toward anyone. Obviously I still have some reservations, but I’m with Robin in believing in chances.

    I’m sorry to have written a book in your comments and used your post for a soundboard. You know I love ya. :heart:

  9. Robin

    October 27, 2008 at 9:49 am

    I wasn’t even doing it initially to open anything up of old wounds, mostly to say something I believed in strongly that I felt needed to be said. I’m glad something was gotten out of this (is that a proper sentence) and I hope just maybe, it opened someone’s eyes. If not, hey it’s nice to hear my horror stories I figure :dunno:

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