What to Expect on Your Wedding Night
Ahhh Weddings. Everyone loves a wedding! Wait, that’s not right. Cake! Everyone loves cake. It’s why we go to weddings!
Well, except for the groom, he goes to the wedding for the wedding night!
Speaking of Wedding Nights, I’d like to take this opportunity to share MINE with the World Wide Interwebs!
After our wedding, which was nice and shit, expect for the heat, the bugs, and my father walking me down the isle singing “Here comes the bride big fat and wide“, we had a reception. Which was nice and shit, except for the 50 year old man sliding his had down my wedding dress to grab my boob, twice, the too tight shoes and the cake my dickwad husband mushed into my face.
ANYWAY. After all that fun stuff we attempted to drive to the hotel for a night of now church sanctioned sexual intercourse. But a funny thing happened that night when we removed the chocolate mints from our pillows and climbed into that king size bed and snuggled into the 6 million thread count Egyptian cotton sheets.
We fell asleep.
And the moral of the story?
If you wanna get some on your wedding night, take the time to schedule in a nap.