Mr. and Mrs. Proper

I have always avoided etiquette and shit like that my whole life. I figure, if I piss someone off by not following the rules then I probably wouldn’t want to hang around them anyway. I go out in public in pajamas and on occasion I wear an inappropriately low cut shirt. Hey, that’s me.1069.png

Now that I am planning a wedding I am coming across this rule book again and there are a lot of things that never would have occurred to me. Did you know when you address a couple on a invitation it’s supposed to be Mr. and Mrs. Buster Hymen? I mean, you don’t even acknowledge the woman by her first name!

Are you telling me that once a woman gets married she loses her name and becomes just The Misses? Does it make me a feminist because I find this insulting?

Of course, I have to follow by these rules because addressing a married woman by her first name is rude. I certainly don’t want an angry phone call like this:

Hi Robin, this is Mrs. Buster Hyman, I noticed you addressed me on the envelope by my first name and this really upset me. I do not have a first name anymore, I am just Mrs. Buster Hyman. I had no idea you were such a heathen and therefore I can’t in good conscience attend your wedding.

I guess once I change my name I will not be Robin anymore but Mrs. Erik. Does that mean I have to start knitting or should I start up a Tupperware party?

Can I have my name back?

  1. Mr. Fabulous

    April 8, 2008 at 8:39 am

    No. Also, you must cease wearing footwear and you must remain constantly with child.

    Now make me a fucking martini.

    Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..And because I like to beat things into the ground?

  2. The Absurdist

    April 8, 2008 at 9:12 am

    At least it’s shorter than putting both names on the invite!

    The Absurdist’s last blog post..No Post Today; Stay tuned tomorrow for 20Q Wednesday!

  3. Avitable

    April 8, 2008 at 9:12 am

    That’s one way of addressing them. You can also put both of their names on there (Mr. and Mrs. Buster and Fixer Hymen). That’s how we did it when we got married (I was the one who wrote the names on them). My wife gets very annoyed if we ever receive mail that’s addressed to both of us but only gives my name. If it’s a wedding invitation, she’ll usually throw it away.

    Avitable’s last blog post..English MacGuffin

  4. Robin

    April 8, 2008 at 9:16 am

    Fab – Damn, you are brutal…must I also service you too?

    Absurdist – Yeah, true. It’s a tough one.

    Avi – I would be totally fine doing that, would people get pissed? I suppose I’ll piss someone off at some point somehow. It may be harder to fit both names but I might go that direction.

  5. Avitable

    April 8, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Well, many professional women see it as calling them a 50s housewife, because they’re nothing more than a Mrs. Husband’s Name.

    Avitable’s last blog post..English MacGuffin

  6. Robin

    April 8, 2008 at 9:32 am

    I 100% agree, although apparently some people (older people I guess, another generation) think the appropriate way is without the woman’s first name. I would personally rather using both names.

  7. Avitable

    April 8, 2008 at 9:34 am

    I don’t think anyone will get insulted if you use their name, too. It’s still proper etiquette – just a more modern version.

    Avitable’s last blog post..English MacGuffin

  8. Robin

    April 8, 2008 at 9:35 am

    Ok, I’ll do that. To be on the safe side I just won’t run it by my parents.

  9. Avitable

    April 8, 2008 at 9:36 am

    Hah! Good plan. :avi:

    Avitable’s last blog post..English MacGuffin

  10. Robin

    April 8, 2008 at 9:38 am

    Now to just figure out how to place it on the address label so it looks right, I might just make the text smaller. I’m new to all of this, as you can see. I’ve never had to formally invite someone. I should just send out an evite.

  11. Avitable

    April 8, 2008 at 9:41 am

    Address label? So you’re not handwriting them or having someone do the calligraphy?

    I’d just make sure to buy larger address labels so it’s still legible, but as long as it’s 11 point font or larger, it should be fine.

    Avitable’s last blog post..English MacGuffin

  12. Robin

    April 8, 2008 at 9:45 am

    It’s just a personal thing, doing clear labels with a nice font.

  13. Cheri

    April 8, 2008 at 9:57 am

    You will always be Robin to me.

    So what does it say about couples with two last names? If I ever get married I will have 2 last names his and my maiden name which is Daws’. So then what.

    Those rule books are so old and out of touch! blah!

  14. Mr. Fabulous

    April 8, 2008 at 11:11 am

    Yeah, but get me the drink first. And make it double. Sometimes you bite.

    Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..And because I like to beat things into the ground?

  15. themuttprincess

    April 8, 2008 at 11:17 am

    I think that has basically gone to the wayside. It was back in the day when women were supposed to be at home barefoot and preggers for 20 years. Also, they were “required” to do so much more… Like bake, cook, clean, iron.. You know the stuff we get our men to do now..

    themuttprincess’s last blog post..Tuesday QOTD, on TUESDAY! We are on a roll folks!

  16. Swizzle Stick

    April 8, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    Lesbians = hyphentated names.

    You should try it. The names that is, although if you are interested in the later…

  17. Robin

    April 8, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    Cheri – I know, there needs to be a new rule book or just simply burn the old one.

    Fab – Or a drink for me, that tends to guarantee I don’t bite 😉

    Mutt – I know, that’s why I got a husband in the first place!

    Swizzle – I am inviting a lesbian couple that Erik works with and I do have to find out from him how they should be addressed.

  18. Tara

    April 8, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Who cares if people get pissed? I’m seeing a trend here lately, my friend. STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. What do YOU think? What does ERIK think? If people get offended, they don’t have to come to your wedding! I think I did Mr. and Mrs. His Name on the invites of women I didn’t like. 🙂 Other than that, I used both names. On the non-married couples, I put the woman’s full name first, then his. You are soooooooo worried about everyone else. (this is hitting close to home by the way, that’s why I feel OK about comment-smacking you here). Just think about YOU. And as for your name, I didn’t change mine when I got married. His family had a shit fit. I told them to eff off. I wrote a column about how ridiculous it is that only women mostly change their names and how some couples are having the guy change his name! Some, like me, keep the name they were born with. The main point: it’s a personal decision, between you and your guy, Whatever anyone else thinks… if they don’t agree, tell them to suck it! 🙂 So, again, I reiterate: STOP worrying about everyone else. Just worry about YOU.

  19. Tara

    April 8, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    Oh, and that column I wrote just won first place in a competition. So apparently, it’s a hot topic and many people agreed with my position. Do what YOU want. Gee, have I said that lately to you? 🙂

  20. Robin

    April 8, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    The only reason I care what my mom says is because she paid for the invitations, other than that I really don’t care. Most of this post was honestly just sarcasm.

  21. Mr. Fabulous

    April 8, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    I like to be addressed as “shitheel”.

    Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..And because I like to beat things into the ground?

  22. turnbaby

    April 9, 2008 at 7:20 am

    You know I think it’s a personal choice between the couple about the name thing. What has pissed me off lo these past twelve years were assholes who did not respect my choice to keep my name and would try to call me Mrs. “Smith” when I was married but still Ms. “Jones”.

    I used to get fired up about it but sheesh there are so many more important things in life.

    And I don’t have to worry over it anymore*YAY*

    I would check with your mother about couples she has invited who will care about how it is addressed. And this is only because she paid for the invites and it will be less hassle in the long run.

    Then do your friends however you like.

    Oh wait…that sounded funny *giggling*

    turnbaby’s last blog post..Traffic Tourette’s

Leave a Reply