One On One: Absolutely Absurdist

So it’s interview time again and I had a great conversation with Chelle (The Absurdist), so great in fact that I had to cut out a lot of the conversation just so it wasn’t a novel to read. I kept the best parts I think though and she was so much fun to chat with.

If anyone who has had an interview done by me you can feel free to take a copy of the button I made and put it on your blog. And of course I now give anyone I interview on RLU their own smilie and here it is :chelle:

Me: ok, so what do you like to be called? Michelle, Chelle or Absurdist?
Chelle: oh, you can call me chelle (shell) or abs, most people know me either way
Me: you know i always pronounced your name as I read it Chelle. How drunk are you right now?
Chelle: not at all but I wish I were, you?
Me: not in the slightest, unless you can get drunk on sugar.
Chelle: i got these skullcandy earbuds, and it’s hard to open the damned package
Me: now that’s cruel
Chelle: I know. I feel like a total ‘tard. I am sitting here pulling on plastic like a child frustrated with a box that won’t open.
Me: well they have schools for that you know?
Chelle: yes! I am god. I got it open!
Me: nice! I was going to suggest a blow torch.
Chelle: :lmao: my dad dragged me to home depot to buy a fucking nail gun.
Me: Is he building a cross again?
Chelle: yes, but just for the n******
Me: ah, well that makes sense.
Chelle: you know how small texas towns are, don’t let the sun set on your ass.
Me: oh i do, or at least I do from movies and i know all of that is completely real.
Chelle: :lmao: well, remember, east texas is still the KKK global headquarters.
Me: I’ll stay away, I don’t think they like Jews.
Chelle: ooo these are really comfy, if I could get the right one to stay in.
Me: why do you need them?
Chelle: skullcandy makes the best earphones, etc. they are awesome.
Me: ah ok
Chelle: my right ear is set funny, and it’s hard for earbuds to stay in, you must have funny ears like me.
Me: i probably do, that’s why we are freaks and outcasts
Chelle: :lmao: that’s why we have all our friends online.
Me: Ok so if you had to pick one lotion to have with you on a deserted island what would it be?
Chelle: it would be “Look Ma, New Hands”, that you get at bath and body works.
Me: They have one by that name?
Chelle: yup. it’s AWESOME! Expensive, but totally awesome. I happened into that lotion, and I LOVE it!
Me: And by happened you mean stole it off of an old lady at the mall right?
helle: only the ones with the walkers. They are the easy targets.
Me: good call, smart
Chelle: the ones in wheelchairs can move faster than me.
Me: So who would you have on the island to rub this lotion on?
Chelle: Brenden Frasier, god he is …how do I describe him?
Me: Interesting choice, I haven’t heard anyone mention him in a long time.
Chelle: I would divorce the most wealthy man in the world just to sleep with him, even if only once.
Me: Now that’s devotion
Chelle: he is a GOD.
Me: Ok if you had to be on a reality show, which one would it be or would you create your own?
Chelle: I would start up the Brenden Frasier and Michelle in love, ike that tori and her husband thing. okay, let me think of a better one…
Me: I think he’s married, I’m not sure that would work :eyebrow:
Chelle: Fat chick football against models, I would totally kick ass
Me: Haha! I love it!
Chelle: and jester and them could be our cheeleaders.
Me: I would totally come on the show but I suck at all sports.
Chelle: Me too. All I would do is fall on them.
Me: I could run around in a wet t-shirt or something.
Chelle: and they would die of asphyxia
Me: I’m kind of fragile too, i bruise easily
Chelle: pussy
Me: i suppose we could just scare them but running after them.
Chelle: ooo we can throw donuts at them
Me: or BAGELS! if i try really hard I can be kind of scary. Ok, do you meditate while online?
Chelle: only when drunk and I don’t know what I am typing or on xanax.
Me: Ok then I meditate ALL the time.
Chelle: hold on the dog is chewing on my underwear, you can put that in the interview.
Me: So that is ON the record?
Chelle: yeah, it was a clean pair of underewear that he pulled out of my luggage though
Me: That’s good it was clean
Chelle: yeah, well they aren’t always, it really grosses me out but at least they don’t eat the tampons.
Me: Otherwise you might have to give him away out of humiliation
Chelle: lady used to eat the tampons all the time.
Me: Dogs are weird, cats are normal
Chelle: I know. like, dogs eat catshit, I mean, what’s up with that?
Me: weeeeeeeeeeird
Chelle: vet says it’s because it is high in nutrition because cat food is really concentrated, but shit is shit.
Me: I know, how dumb are they?
Chelle: I figure we are on the record all the way, my dogs are dumber than a hammered nail or whale shit.
Me: my cats are very smart, they do my taxes.
Chelle: geez, send them on over… I am an independent, my taxes are a bitch.
Me: wait dogs are dummer than whale shit?
Chelle: no MY dogs are dumber than whale shit.
Me: Ok, last question, if you were to nominate a blogger for president who would it be?
Chelle: hm.
Me: And not me, i can’t handle the pressure.
Chelle: This one I have to think about, someone with tact. So avi is out :avi:
Me: Oh that’s for sure
Chelle: someone who is a good orator, so fab is out :fab:
Me: hmmmm
Chelle: no lushes, so that takes out another 50%.
Me: Most bloggers are lushes.
Chelle: I think I would have to say Turnbaby, because she has the best radio voice, she seems to have tact, and doesn’t go too far.
Me: I don’t know her too well yet but i will take your word for it. Obviously you know what you are talking about.
Chelle: well, it’s either her or Kyra, and Kyra would make us all fuck each other in the asses.
Me: the country could probably use a little ass fucking
Chelle: hahaha I thought that’s what we were getting the last 8 years.
Me: Yeah, good point. But I didn’t enjoy it.
Chelle: no, it could have been better.
Me: He didn’t use lube, that’s just not right.
Chelle: no, we had to save the oil; which is what lube is made out of
Me: That makes sense but still, rough. Well either way you’ve been a great interview, i hope i can do you again sometime.
Chelle: You can do me anytime, baby.
Me: And I’ll always bring lube :robin:

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