One On One: Absolutely Absurdist

So it’s interview time again and I had a great conversation with Chelle (The Absurdist), so great in fact that I had to cut out a lot of the conversation just so it wasn’t a novel to read. I kept the best parts I think though and she was so much fun to chat with.

If anyone who has had an interview done by me you can feel free to take a copy of the button I made and put it on your blog. And of course I now give anyone I interview on RLU their own smilie and here it is :chelle:

Me: ok, so what do you like to be called? Michelle, Chelle or Absurdist?
Chelle: oh, you can call me chelle (shell) or abs, most people know me either way
Me: you know i always pronounced your name as I read it Chelle. How drunk are you right now?
Chelle: not at all but I wish I were, you?
Me: not in the slightest, unless you can get drunk on sugar.
Chelle: i got these skullcandy earbuds, and it’s hard to open the damned package
Me: now that’s cruel
Chelle: I know. I feel like a total ‘tard. I am sitting here pulling on plastic like a child frustrated with a box that won’t open.
Me: well they have schools for that you know?
Chelle: yes! I am god. I got it open!
Me: nice! I was going to suggest a blow torch.
Chelle: :lmao: my dad dragged me to home depot to buy a fucking nail gun.
Me: Is he building a cross again?
Chelle: yes, but just for the n******
Me: ah, well that makes sense.
Chelle: you know how small texas towns are, don’t let the sun set on your ass.
Me: oh i do, or at least I do from movies and i know all of that is completely real.
Chelle: :lmao: well, remember, east texas is still the KKK global headquarters.
Me: I’ll stay away, I don’t think they like Jews.
Chelle: ooo these are really comfy, if I could get the right one to stay in.
Me: why do you need them?
Chelle: skullcandy makes the best earphones, etc. they are awesome.
Me: ah ok
Chelle: my right ear is set funny, and it’s hard for earbuds to stay in, you must have funny ears like me.
Me: i probably do, that’s why we are freaks and outcasts
Chelle: :lmao: that’s why we have all our friends online.
Me: Ok so if you had to pick one lotion to have with you on a deserted island what would it be?
Chelle: it would be “Look Ma, New Hands”, that you get at bath and body works.
Me: They have one by that name?
Chelle: yup. it’s AWESOME! Expensive, but totally awesome. I happened into that lotion, and I LOVE it!
Me: And by happened you mean stole it off of an old lady at the mall right?
helle: only the ones with the walkers. They are the easy targets.
Me: good call, smart
Chelle: the ones in wheelchairs can move faster than me.
Me: So who would you have on the island to rub this lotion on?
Chelle: Brenden Frasier, god he is …how do I describe him?
Me: Interesting choice, I haven’t heard anyone mention him in a long time.
Chelle: I would divorce the most wealthy man in the world just to sleep with him, even if only once.
Me: Now that’s devotion
Chelle: he is a GOD.
Me: Ok if you had to be on a reality show, which one would it be or would you create your own?
Chelle: I would start up the Brenden Frasier and Michelle in love, ike that tori and her husband thing. okay, let me think of a better one…
Me: I think he’s married, I’m not sure that would work :eyebrow:
Chelle: Fat chick football against models, I would totally kick ass
Me: Haha! I love it!
Chelle: and jester and them could be our cheeleaders.
Me: I would totally come on the show but I suck at all sports.
Chelle: Me too. All I would do is fall on them.
Me: I could run around in a wet t-shirt or something.
Chelle: and they would die of asphyxia
Me: I’m kind of fragile too, i bruise easily
Chelle: pussy
Me: i suppose we could just scare them but running after them.
Chelle: ooo we can throw donuts at them
Me: or BAGELS! if i try really hard I can be kind of scary. Ok, do you meditate while online?
Chelle: only when drunk and I don’t know what I am typing or on xanax.
Me: Ok then I meditate ALL the time.
Chelle: hold on the dog is chewing on my underwear, you can put that in the interview.
Me: So that is ON the record?
Chelle: yeah, it was a clean pair of underewear that he pulled out of my luggage though
Me: That’s good it was clean
Chelle: yeah, well they aren’t always, it really grosses me out but at least they don’t eat the tampons.
Me: Otherwise you might have to give him away out of humiliation
Chelle: lady used to eat the tampons all the time.
Me: Dogs are weird, cats are normal
Chelle: I know. like, dogs eat catshit, I mean, what’s up with that?
Me: weeeeeeeeeeird
Chelle: vet says it’s because it is high in nutrition because cat food is really concentrated, but shit is shit.
Me: I know, how dumb are they?
Chelle: I figure we are on the record all the way, my dogs are dumber than a hammered nail or whale shit.
Me: my cats are very smart, they do my taxes.
Chelle: geez, send them on over… I am an independent, my taxes are a bitch.
Me: wait dogs are dummer than whale shit?
Chelle: no MY dogs are dumber than whale shit.
Me: Ok, last question, if you were to nominate a blogger for president who would it be?
Chelle: hm.
Me: And not me, i can’t handle the pressure.
Chelle: This one I have to think about, someone with tact. So avi is out :avi:
Me: Oh that’s for sure
Chelle: someone who is a good orator, so fab is out :fab:
Me: hmmmm
Chelle: no lushes, so that takes out another 50%.
Me: Most bloggers are lushes.
Chelle: I think I would have to say Turnbaby, because she has the best radio voice, she seems to have tact, and doesn’t go too far.
Me: I don’t know her too well yet but i will take your word for it. Obviously you know what you are talking about.
Chelle: well, it’s either her or Kyra, and Kyra would make us all fuck each other in the asses.
Me: the country could probably use a little ass fucking
Chelle: hahaha I thought that’s what we were getting the last 8 years.
Me: Yeah, good point. But I didn’t enjoy it.
Chelle: no, it could have been better.
Me: He didn’t use lube, that’s just not right.
Chelle: no, we had to save the oil; which is what lube is made out of
Me: That makes sense but still, rough. Well either way you’ve been a great interview, i hope i can do you again sometime.
Chelle: You can do me anytime, baby.
Me: And I’ll always bring lube :robin:


  1. The Absurdist

    February 25, 2008 at 9:00 am

    LOVE IT!!! Definitely the dog chewing the underwear shit! I KNEW you were going to put that in there. I am so honored that I got to be your first…Seriously..

    The Absurdist’s last blog post..Stop Lights, Catholics, Cell Phones and Target

  2. Robin

    February 25, 2008 at 9:02 am

    Uh hun, I love you dearly but you weren’t my first but I did enjoy it a lot. You may have ruined me for all others :chelle:

  3. Mr. Fabulous

    February 25, 2008 at 10:08 am

    Damn, the interview you did with me was like…2 questions. Are we breaking up?

    Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..I’m back?full of thanks and some new wisdom

  4. Robin

    February 25, 2008 at 10:10 am

    Yes, you just don’t satisfy me the way you used to…

  5. themuttprincess

    February 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    You start with names and end with ass fucking!

    How great is that?

    themuttprincess’s last blog post..Monday Madness

  6. Tug

    February 25, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    Chelle: my dad dragged me to home depot to buy a fucking nail gun.
    Me: Is he building a cross again?
    Chelle: yes, but just for the n******

    Please tell me the n****** means something I don’t think it does.

    Tug’s last blog post..Crazy 8’s

  7. Robin

    February 26, 2008 at 7:46 am

    Mutt – Pretty ass fucking great!

    Tug – I’m pretty naive but I assume she meant nemesis but you know…I’m often wrong :eyebrow:

  8. The Absurdist

    February 26, 2008 at 8:20 am


    I would never, never in my entire life say the “N” word. It was more a throwback to the little, conservative as hell town that I happened to be in at the time. I don’t care how a black person misbehaves; there are just as many white people that misbehave just as much, if not more. So do please understand that it was a joke. I would never, ever, ever use that word in public, and I would never actually think that in my mind. It was a joke based upon the hell that I was in, because of the signs that I honestly still see in east texas (AKA embarrassment to Texas) where it actually says n****** don’t let the sun set on your ass.

    So please understand that I am so far from racism that I would NEVER, EVER, EVER say anything in public or in my mind that would remotely be that word.

    Sorry about confusing you.

    The Absurdist’s last blog post..The Absurdist’s congress, president, pundits and worldy enemies of the internal universe

  9. Tug

    February 26, 2008 at 9:24 am

    Thanks for clarifying…it just really came across wrong. I know there is bad in every race, I know some people will never change…I know.

    But seriously – thanks for the response!

    Tug’s last blog post..Crazy 8’s

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