I knew the day would come when my grandmother would ask to see me and while I haven’t had this on my mind on a daily basis, it’s in the back of my mind. My only living grandparent who is all alone wants to see me and for the most part I really don’t want to see her.
I’ve gone into this before but my grandmother has caused an enormous amount of pain in my life and I’m still dealing with it. From a really young age she would mention how much I needed to lose weight. Over the years she’s suggested Weight Watchers (I was 10), hypnosis (I was a teenager) and even pills (not sure if they were even legal).
A big part of the reason I have body image problems and issues dealing with my weight is because of the pressure she continually put on me. She’d ask all the time for me to send her pictures (she lived in New York) only to remind me I wasn’t thin enough.
On top of that she’s always treated my mother SO badly (she’s my father’s mother) and since I was little I’d have to listen to her berate her. How my mother dealt with her all those years I will never know but I’m glad she’s finally written her off for good.
My grandmother told me for so many years I needed to be thin for a man to love me and I suppose I’ve really proven her wrong this time. If I still didn’t feel such an intense humiliation about my weight regarding her I might rub it in her face :tongue:
There is also the fact that she’s miserable because she has nobody left. Her husband died over a year ago and she’s stuck in a nursing home of some kind running out of money quickly. Her own son won’t see her, nor her grandchildren. All she does anymore is crave pitty and bitch to anyone who will listen.
All she wants anymore from, what it seems, is to see me. She’s always loved me I suppose like the daughter she never had. Part of me believes everything she put me through she thought was what I needed and I’m not sure she knows better :dunno:
Do I do a nice thing for a miserable old woman who just wants to see her grandaughter? Do I risk her sending my life into an emotional tailspin or do I trust the fact that maybe I now am strong enough to handle it? Would I have regret if I didn’t?