Relationship Satisfacation

When I read this post I knew I had to comment on this for myself because this is a strong opinion I have.

First off I want to mention that for the first time ever I watched the show Super Nanny this past weekend and I couldn’t believe a. the parents let the kids litterally control the household and b. the parents had no relationship anymore.

Laura S notes that many childfree women choose not to have children because they are happy with their current relationship and don’t need anything else. I’m not saying all couples who have children are trying to “fix” their relationship, I just mean that some people just don’t want to change something that works so well as it is.

She notes that the freedom you have in a relationship without kids and I think that really hit the nail on the head. I love spending lazy weekends with Erik doing nothing or just spending the whole day out doing whatever we want. I love that we can be intimate whenever we want and watch anything we want.

I love the freedom and I love my relationship deeply. I’ve seen so many relationships dissolve after having children and while I think Erik and I are strong enough to make anything work I don’t know if the sacrifice is worth it to me.

  1. Maureen

    September 13, 2006 at 10:08 am


    One of the things that Jim & I *want* to do together, is ‘be parents’. So, this is working for us.

    I don’t think that *anyone* should do anything in their life that they don’t want to do. (Besides taking care of responsibilities, of course) Life is way, way, way too short & unpredictable for that.

  2. Robin

    September 13, 2006 at 11:14 am

    All relationships are different and I’m sure quite a few of them grow stronger after having children but it’s probably easy to lose sight of your husband/wife after have a child or several. Having children takes up so much time and it must be hard to keep things happy in a couple but it’s beautiful to see couples who do grow more together while having children…I wish more could.

    My parents did the opposite, it’s a very unfortunate thing to see.

  3. Maureen

    September 13, 2006 at 11:50 am

    I truly don’t think it’s ‘having kids’, in and of itself, that causes couples to drift apart. It’s not sharing the same goals & passions -or- at least, not respecting and supporting each other’s goals and passions.

    ‘Having kids’ is just one of those things that *a lot* of couples do just because they believe that that’s what they are supposed to do, without really planning for it, without making sure that they want to do it together, without making sure that they have the same feelings about how it should be done.

    So, because it’s socially expected to ‘have kids’, couples do it despite the fact that it is not something that they want to do together, as a couple.

    And, that’s why we see so many sad people ‘trapped’ in parenthood, ‘trapped’ in marriages, thinking that they should never have had kids, that that is what ruined their perfectly fine relationship. And, it did. They should not have had kids. At least, not with each other.

    Just like a couple who started a business together, then found out that the intense work schedule kept them too busy for intimacy and the disagreements regarding business and financial decisions left them angry at each other all of the time. Because ‘running a business together’ didn’t work for this couple doesn’t mean that it *always* drives couples apart.

    I love kids. I am fascinated by the social & psychological process that takes them from two cells all the way to adults. My husband feels the same way about it. It is an awesome, huge, amazing thing. It is a science. It is an art. It is a mystery. It is a miracle. It is pure chance wrapped up in hard work.

    Personally, I think every kid deserves parents who feel the same way about the whole thing.

    I know that not everyone does. I know that some people feel the same way about particle physics, about pro-wrestling, about their dogs, about bicycling, about gardening, about country music, about renaissance poetry, about writing, about … I hope that each of those people pursues their passion! I hope that each of them finds a partner in life who they can share that passion with (((hug)))

  4. Robin

    September 13, 2006 at 2:23 pm

    I didn’t mean to make it sound like kids ruin everything but they are a very permanent thing that can breakdown an already unstable relationship. Anything can tear apart a relationship but the problem with kids is they suffer if the marriage suffers.

  5. Miss Britt

    September 13, 2006 at 9:28 pm

    My husband and I have ALWAYS been “married with kids” – thanks to some brilliant planning on my part… so I have to say “oh it’s wonderful” blah blah blah

    But I have to admit, I see childfree couples some times and envy all the time and attention they have for one another.

    Although other times I think – what the fuck do they DO all the time?

  6. Robin

    September 14, 2006 at 5:57 am

    Miss Britt – on my part…we talk most of the time…talk and laugh.

  7. John

    September 19, 2006 at 8:29 am

    Having had 2 relationships where I was/am dating a woman without children (I’m childfree, 42) I have to say that one of the things that I enjoy most is spending a whole day in bed cuddling, reading, eating, sleeping, being intimate, etc. My current girlfriend and I often stay in bed on the weekend, until about 5pm. We’ve been cuddling all day. We then decide to go out either for a coffee or go and see a film. What then happens the next day is surprising. By about 3pm, we suddenly feel uncomfortable, as if something is wrong. It’s regular enough for us to realise that cuddling for about 8 hours has saturated our bodies with endorphins, resulting in a degree of addiction. The next day we suffer from withdrawal. So anyway, we do have that satisfaction, and if I were dating a woman with children, it couldn’t be done really.

  8. Robin

    September 19, 2006 at 8:32 am

    John – Thanks for that…gotta love the endless cuddling.

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