Importance of an Engagement

Before Erik I really didn’t want to ever get married but I’d always liked the idea of being engaged. Something about marriage has always scared me because it seems that it can ruin a perfectly good relationship. I’ve seen a lot of good marriages in the last few years and now I’m starting to think it’s having kids that might ruin the relationship.

Every once and a while I’ll make a little comment on how much I’d love to have Erik’s last name or how cool it would be to call him my husband. From there he usually says “well, let’s go get married now” and while it seems like a great idea I now feel I want the whole shebang.

I admit it, I want to be proposed to (but not with a diamond) and I want a real engagement. I want to plan a wedding (nothing insane) and I want to have everyone there to be a part of it. I want to have a dress and tell Erik in front of everyone that I want to love him for eternity.

I can’t help but feel a little superficial in wanting this, after all aren’t most weddings just a big party?

Sometimes I think it would be so much more meaningful and special to just go somewhere and have our vows. We’ve always been the kind of couple that doesn’t do things big and we like things simple.

In the end I might just do the family wedding and also do a thing just for us or maybe just keep the ceremony small and let my family have the big party. Who knows, but whatever we do I know I want the engagement, I just can’t give in on that part :cheesy:

  1. DonnaDork

    August 22, 2006 at 9:18 am

    When it comes to this, you have to make sure that the actual wedding is something that you and Erik want. Not what everyone else wants. Whether you two just go to the courthouse and exchange vows, or fly to Aruba and get married on the’s something special for you two.

    Now Mr Dork, and I, well we had a quickie wedding at the courthouse with only his sister and neice there. We did it mainly because of immigration issues.

    Once I am allowed to work here in the states we are actually planning a little wedding, either in Vegas, or on the beach in the Bahamas or something (both are something we really want). That way maybe my parents can see us get married, and we can share our special day with a close group of people who are special to us.

  2. Robin

    August 22, 2006 at 9:20 am

    Trust me, we’re both very stubborn on what we want and nobody will get in the way of that. We both agreed it has to be romantic.

    That’s great DonnaDork, I hope you share some pictures!

  3. Maureen

    August 22, 2006 at 11:50 am

    I’m not even sure that it’s kids that ruin marriages 😀

    As far as I can tell, it’s lack of compassion for each other and poor (or dishonest) communication. I can’t imagine you two ever lacking on either of those fronts :heartbeat:

    However you celebrate your love for each other, both when you marry -and- every day, I hope that it makes you feel great!

  4. Robin

    August 22, 2006 at 12:05 pm

    Maureen – I wasn’t really being serious about the kids thing, more of a fear of mine since my parent’s relationship seemed to fall apart when they had me but who knows. I think kids can throw a wrench into a relationship and if it’s not really sturdy can really hurt it. I think if we had kids we’d handle it very well, especially since Erik would do most of the raising :mwahaha:

    Thanks for that though :hug:

  5. Chris

    August 22, 2006 at 1:38 pm

    That’s interesting because for me, I wasn’t at all bothered about being engaged and that was more his idea. I was all about just running away and getting married straight away. We’re still going to do the marriage by ourself with no family around, but he got his way with the engagement.
    I think being married means more to me than the actual wedding and that’s why I’m not bothered about the ceremony.
    As long as you’re doing what you want, that’s all that matters. Of course, if you can’t decide what you want, then… that’s tricky! :wave:

  6. Robin

    August 22, 2006 at 2:17 pm

    Chris – Well whatever we do will be the right thing for us, time will tell. I think I want the engagement so much for 2 reasons A. I’m a HOPELESS romantic and love the idea of being proposed to and B. He’s been planning something for years and I must know what it is :willy_nilly:

  7. GroovyVic

    August 25, 2006 at 10:41 am

    Being married, for me, is like living together…only with more jewelry. Husband and I had the wedding we wanted, and to be honest, if I could go back and change things about it I would. But that’s just me. Hindsight is 20/20 and all.

    After being engaged for a year it was almost a relief to get married. But the pressure is never off, as everyone wants to know when you’re going to have kids!

    And believe that joke about wedding cake and sex drives.

  8. Robin

    August 25, 2006 at 10:58 am

    Groovy – I don’t believe much would be different other than I’d feel more like a real team (having the same last name and stuff) and having respect (dumb but it’s there). I just want to be engaged and I’ll figure out the rest later.

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