My life: the movie
When thinking back on old memories does it sometimes feel like several lifetimes ago? You can feel the texture of the velvet dress, smell the freshly cut grass but somehow it doesnÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚Â¢t seem real enough to touch anymore. It seems when I think back itÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚Â¢s more like watching an old movie again, I can feel the pain, the joy, inside of me but it seems like IÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚Â¢m watching someone other than myself.
Thinking back to my first apartment with Erik it seems like 20 years ago we lived there. It was a tiny apartment, looking back itÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚Â¢s hard to imagine we were able to survive there at all but we did. It was cozy and the perfect place for a new couple to get to know each other and grow into a solid relationship. I can see the tiny kitchen and the very few plates we had at the time in the cupboard. I can see the futon in the bedroom as our bed and the empty walls. I can see us walking down the street on a late summer day in our pajamas to get ice cream. The memory seems so very far away.
I can picture the road trip I went on with Penny and my old greenish Honda Prelude flying down the interstate. I can feel the hot August air hitting my face through the open windows and I can hear the laughter of my best friend beside me as she drove with me to a new, albeit short, adventure on the other side of the world, or so it seemed. I can see us scrunched up in the car in our cut off shorts and our hair pulled back under baseball caps. The world is flying by so quickly I canÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚Â¢t seem to hold on long enough.
Then I sit here today, early in the morning at work with my iced mocha latte and stacks of filing around me waiting to be stored in a nearby cabinet, and I realize this is another little memory waiting to happen. Someday IÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚Â¢ll read this post and think of the day I took a moment to remember a few parts of my past that I treasure more than anything I could ever buy.
Again I file away those memories that I take out from time to time just to make me smile and put them back into the back of my mind where all the others are. Life is fast, life is beautiful and we need to take a moment to remember how perfect it really is. My life is like my own movie, flawed characters, twists and turns and special moments around every corner.