It’s called overthinking
To say I overthink things from time to time is an enormous understatement. Is overthinking an ADD thing? I mean I can’t seem to stop thinking even when I probably should be relaxing. I’ve tried yoga a few times and I ended up even more stressed. Here is what my brain was like in downward dog:
Am I doing this right? This doesn’t feel right. I should probably be relaxed not tense right now. Why can’t I relax? What’s wrong with me? Damn, why didn’t I wear different underwear, it’s riding up my butt. How am I supposed to relax with a wedgy and my butt in the air? I hope nobody is looking at my butt. Ok…relax…just stop thinking…seriously! Stop thinking! What’s wrong with me?
Same goes for the one time I got a massage on our last vacation, it took me 15 minutes to stop grinding my teeth. I guess on a good note I did eventually relax for the massage, either I’m actually starting to relax as I get older or maybe it was just the fact of not holding my legs straight up in the air as I breeeeeeeeath. Maybe, just maybe, I need more massages. Maybe more often when I come home from a 10 hour stressful day I should take a long hot bath instead of watching Gilmore Girls (might be a form of speed) and surfing through blogs on my laptop.
It makes me wonder why I never ended up depending on some kind of substance other than at the occasional party or bar. I’ve never really had a drug problem or an alcohol problem other than the usual college girl testing her boundaries. I suppose though many of the popular drugs only would make me more tense. Most of the times I tried to smoke pot I would get the opposite effect of everyone around me. I can’t tell you how many times I’d just end up sitting there with a dumb grin on my with my brain running a million miles a minute…mostly just trying to figure out if I was stoned or not 😆
Most of the big events in my life I’ve overthought them so much I never ended up enjoying them. My senior prom, my graduation and even my Bat Mitzvah. I have a feeling the day of my wedding I will need to take a xanax just so I will be able to listen to the groom’s vows. Maybe I should get myself a book or an audio book that teaches relaxation…or maybe I should try meditation.
…or maybe…I should just go back to sleep…