I’ve always had a lot of issues when it comes to friends, I guess you can probably tell from past posts I’ve written. For a long time I haven’t been happy where a lot of things stand right now and I was just tired of feeling hurt. I firmly believe if things don’t feel right for a long enough time maybe you have to step back and really assess the situation.
So yesterday, after a situation that spoke volumes, I realized that maybe I have expected more of some friends than I have of others. I have several really good friends who I hardly see but it’s because of distance or them having really intense careers (ie. Doctor). I’m just happy to talk to them from time to time and they always give as much as they possibly can back.
My point is I think I have certain levels of friends and I guess I expect a certain degree from each level. The levels are online, special occasion, distance and close friends. My online friends I talk to on forums, blogs and the occasional email, it works that way. My special occasion friends are the ones I see at weddings, baby showers, etc. but it really doesn’t go much beyond that anymore. My distant friends are the ones that it’s just impossible to have anything more than the occasional emails and phone calls but everytime we come together we just connect. Of course my close friends, these are few, I see as the friends we get together as often as we can and try to make each other a priority.
What is hard is when you start realizing a close friend may be turning into a distant or special occasion friend. This switch has happened a lot and I think that is normal. So recently I had to stand back and realize that I just really didn’t want one of my close friends turn into something less, it’s a hard thing to accept. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person it just means life changes and we have to find a way to change with it. As my girl Maureen said to me:
I really think it comes down to just accepting your friends as they are, with whatever commitment they are ready to make to the relationship, wishing them the best & being ready to reconnect when you both can or when one of you needs it.
I love having friends and doing things for my friends. I love long talks and a million laughs. Tomorrow I’m getting together with one of my friends that went from being a special occasion friend to a close friend, we get together almost every Saturday for coffee. I also have the bachelorette party Saturday night with a few friends I don’t get to see very often. I need to learn to accept my friends as who they are and what they can give me and just go on with my life.