My ‘Mr. Big Theory’

I wrote this up quite a while ago and I decided it’s time to share it with all of you. I still firmly believe this theory though there are probably a few women out there that were unlucky enough (or lucky maybe) to never have had a Mr. Big. If you somehow ended up with your Mr. Big that might be a whole new theory in itself. I realize this is now a bit outdated since Carrie did actually end up with Mr. Big (ie. John) but you get the idea.


My Mr. Big Theory

One of the most loved and hated characters on the HBO show Sex and the City
is the character Mr. Big whom the main character cannot seem to shake loose no matter how hard she tries. One day while watching the show with some girlfriends of mine and I realized that Mr. Big wasn’t as much of a fictional character as I’d thought. In fact many of us women have had a Mr. Big in our lives and before I knew it I had a Mr. Big Theory.

First let’s look at the character of Mr. Big, played by Chris Noth, and his on again off again love interest Carrie, played by Sarah Jessica Parker. The moment that Mr. Big came into Carrie’s life not only did no other guy seem to be able to compare but he also had a constant control over her. All Carrie wanted was to be the love of his life because that’s what she felt he was. Although with all the mind games, lack of commitment and just pure immaturity it makes you wonder why Carrie couldn’t get enough of him.

After a while of watching this much loved show I started realizing the astonishingly similarities that Mr. Big had with an ex of mine, let’s call him Mr. Summer since the entire relationship didn’t last beyond a summer. Not only was he so similar but the way Carrie reacted because of him was tragically like I acted towards Mr. Summer. I then realized that Mr. Big is almost like a right of passage for a lot of confused women. Why would I categorize them as “confused?” Because I’d like to believe that a woman who really knew herself and respected herself wouldn’t let a guy play with her emotions so easily.

I met Mr. Summer at the end of my senior year of college. I was infatuated with him long before I really knew him and was already convinced there was a really strong connection between us. In time we did begin to date but he didn’t want anything “serious” and because of my feelings for him I put
aside the fact that I did in fact want much more. I went along with his rules for months. I let him treat me like a friend in public and anything but in the bedroom. The rules only ever seemed to apply to him because our “seeing other people” policy was great for him but once I took advantage of it he wanted me all to himself. I hardly ever spoke up when he would ignore me in front of his friends or consistently forget our plans. If I ever did speak up he would always say it was getting too serious and then I’d turn around just trying to get him back. I put up with all of this until he moved onto someone else.

Now, before you feel bad for me keep in mind that I let him treat me this way for months and I continued to let him control me long after we were romantically involved. For a very long time I knew that if he ever wanted me back, for even an hour, I wouldn’t give it a second thought. For years afterward, just like Carrie, he was always in the back of my mind. That is until I finally matured enough to know that what I had with him wasn’t a healthy relationship and guys actually could be quite the opposite.

So in the end I realized, by asking many other women, that they too had a guy like that in their lives at one point. A guy who thrived off of mind games but she only seemed to ask for more. I am not going to preach to younger women telling them to beware of such creatures because I believe for some women it is right of passage if you will. We all have to be naive at some point and Mr. Big is a great way to slap you in the face with reality. No woman can see that their guy is a Mr. Big until way after the relationship is over. Not until one day they realize that they “wasted” a lot of time and energy on a guy that was really never worth it. Mr. Big isn’t a bad guy and he’s also not out to ruin your life so always know that.
He’s just well “a guy” like most others, even though at the end of Sex and the City’s run Carrie may end up with Mr. Big. Who knows maybe his character will do a 180 in the end treating Carrie like she deserves, but just don’t count on your Mr. Big being any kind of prince charming. Hell, just give up
on the concept of prince charming, period.


  1. The Road Less Unraveled » Blog Archive » good boy vs. bad boy

    December 9, 2008 at 8:49 am

    […] but with a little bit of the other one mixed in. Personally I think I explained this better with my Mr. Big Theory because I always felt that Mr. Big (Sex and the City) was the prototype of exactly what a girl […]

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