Seems like a dream

The dream being not being broke or in debt. I had a good friend of mine do a budget for me and it’s no wonder we are in debt. I have to figure out how we can cut corners. It’s crazy that we get the child support out every single week but can’t pay all our bills. They go on all these vacations and we can’t even go out for dinner. I just want to get to a point where I don’t have to worry about how to pay basic bills.

One of my friend’s suggestions was to move home…not only is that just not going to happen but it’s just not logical.

  1. neko

    September 8, 2005 at 12:02 am

    life and debt… i feel ya 🙁

  2. the wife

    September 8, 2005 at 7:27 am

    Do you think I can pay all of my bills? Try paying a $1500/month mortgage all by yourself and trying to support your daughter on a crumby $120/week! Do you have any clue how much most people pay for child support/week? I have a friend who receives $800/week for her daughter……..but, her ex husband is able to keep a real job, I guess that’s the difference. Do you have any idea how much child care costs/week?
    How about the $500 worth of school clothes and shoes I just charged?
    You can’t possibly be that dumb…..
    And, as for all of the vacations we take, that’s none of YOUR business…..
    and never will be.
    Let me fill you in on a little secret, being with Erik and expecting him to hold a job for awhile and not being in debt will NEVER happen! We were in debt from day one and because of him, I still am!
    Good luck!

  3. Sports fan

    September 8, 2005 at 8:15 am

    I guess all of this comes down to Budgeting… If you all go out to dinner and on vacations…
    Then you shouldn’t complain about the bills you can’t pay.. kwim? The “Child” and the “Bills” should come first before anything that we do… As for $500.00 dollars on School clothes??? That is a lot of Money to spend on child’s school clothes?? The Child is most likely going to grow out of them soon.. I understand that you may want to buy your child the best of everything.. But if you are struggling to pay for the basics (keeping a roof over the child’s head, heat or food) then you should set a budget for yourself and not spend more than you can afford after making sure the bills are paid.

    As for child support unfortunately in most states it depends on how much the person paying Child support makes. It doesn’t always make it to the wonderful number of $800.00 a week. It would be nice though wouldn’t it? The hard part is not resenting the person that can’t provide that for you.. If they are not capable for whatever reason to ever pay that to you then you should try to make the best of your situation for your child… That way the child will learn from you about responsibility and how to save money and not to live beyond their means.

    Lastly I do want to offer you some advice if you and Robin are not getting along you probably should not post about it on a public forum using names? You maybe leaving it open for your child to find it or you could be leaving it open for someone to see it and take it the wrong way. Meaning if you say the wrong thing either of the parties could get you in trouble maybe take legal action against you for libel. Then you could really be in hot water with your bills. You are probably better off discussing this privately with Robin and Erik.

    Good Luck to both of you with your Money problems… 🙂

  4. kwl

    September 8, 2005 at 8:40 am

    Well, Gemma, I can empathize with you, having been a single mother myself. I have,
    however, never received a penny in child support from my ex. I chose to marry and
    have a child with a man who didn’t earn alot of money…can’t get blood from a stone and
    there’s nothing to be done about it. I made a certain choice, I live with it. I don’t waste
    time being envious of friends who get big piles of CS (even my current husband’s ex!)…
    things are what they are. If money was what I cared about, I’d have sold my soul to
    marry a rich doctor or something.

    Yes, housing and childcare are expensive. But, $500 for back to school clothes?
    No sympathy there, I don’t spend half that on my two children put together and
    we’re not pinching pennies. I don’t think I could spend that much if I tried…I’ve always
    found good quality clothes on sale and kids only need so many when they are just going
    to outgrow them shortly.

  5. Dina

    September 8, 2005 at 10:08 am

    Wow, reading all this is shocking
    I’m not as nice, never have been.
    Here are my thoughts on this…
    WOW Gemma, seems to me that you are no longer in love with Erik (although the pitifully way you still call yourself wife is pathetic) and seems like your in love with Robin… Do you follow anyone around all day online in your stalker-ish manner, or is it just the ones you obsess over. Seems to be taking away a lot of quality time with your daughter… is that why you try to buy her love and affection, to make up for your online time spent chasing women?
    You make this Erik out to be such a loser, yet you still hold on to him any way you possibly can, I have a feeling that he isn’t a loser and that maybe he was just like that with you, or maybe they are all like that with you, you sound like someone who sucks the life out of anything and everything around you.
    Normal SANE women with kids, don’t care about anything BUT their children, MEANING – I don’t care about the money as long as she has his/her father in the picture… instead of screw the kid and her emotional feeling and what this could do to them, and give me the dough.
    MEANING – I really don’t care if my ex has moved on, as long as she makes him happy and my child see’s that, and AS LONG AS SHE IS GOOD TO MY KID. … instead of, no I don’t want him to move on, I want him miserable, I want my kid to feed off that and grow up with problems, and I would rather he be with anyone but her, even if that person was horrible to my child.
    Way to be a good parent

    Until court, life is what you deal with… print everything off document everything, keep making your regular court appointed payments, keep doing your guys’ best for the child and for each other, you only get stronger with all of this. There will be a day that a judge reads through all this and cries over how insane it has all been for you two, and how unfit a mother like this is … in my opinion… And when that day comes, and the tables are turned, she will be alone and still nasty. But you haven’t been, and you wont be.
    Stay Strong

  6. Lil

    September 8, 2005 at 11:15 am

    $1500 mortgage? $500 for school clothes? Bitch, please.

  7. babs

    September 8, 2005 at 11:41 am

    Oh my oh my…

    What an interesting post from Gemma…Though I must say that our friends
    have answered her wonderfully!!

    I have my own two cents to add….

    First of all.. many states take into consideration the incomes of BOTH
    parents when ascertaining CS.. The “crumby $120/week” you receive has AS
    much to do w/ YOUR income level as it does your EX..Thus was
    the case for me..when my Ex and I were both approximately the same
    income level. (SO make your snide comments regarding E’s income..and put yourself down
    there too)
    And you, dear.. need to let go of the green monster who rules
    your world..

    Also, I paid a mortgage of $1400 by myself… and supported FOUR CHILDREN and
    managed to keep them in food and clothing.. so, see? superwoman you aren’t.
    As far as spending $500 on an individual child for school clothes… Where’d you go Saks Fifth Avenue?
    You have definitely overspent (can you see
    my eyes roll into the back of my head??)….or should I say, overindulged for yourself, cause the child
    doesn’t know if her jeans came from a designer or off the rack!!!…

    OK.. back to the fact that you “charged” “$500 worth” of clothes for a 6 y/o…

    I, I know that the reason you and Erik were in dire straits financially is because of YOU
    and your overindulgences…Not because of him…

    Tsk tsk..charging $500 increases it to about $600 (at least) when paid off because of interest
    rates…and that’s not compounding .. sooo.. Take a lesson in economics, finances, and lastly
    if you can’t afford your $1500/mo mortgage…….. MOVE!!

    oh yes, one more thing… GROW UP!!

  8. northernlady

    September 8, 2005 at 11:58 am

    I too married someone who kept us in debt from day one.
    The day he died, leaving me with two children, a $1400/mo mortgage,
    $12,000 in credit card debt I didn’t even know we had.
    $5,000 due to the IRS, and NO life insurance — that day — he purchased
    a $400 watch, instead of paying the mortgage.

    What he left the girls was abilities, talents, joyful memories and the ability
    to see him for what he was — good and bad.

    What I learned —
    My kids had two parents. Each with their own talents, abilities, strengths,
    as well as weaknesses and pain.

    What my kids deserved —
    Parents who do the best they can within their abilities.

    Now, 8 years later, my girls are independent, brave, funny as shit, loving,
    caring, CAREFUL and blessed to have had two parents who loved them to
    the best of their abilities with their own talents, strengths as well as
    weaknesses and pain.

    To place your child in the middle of this — with your hatred, pettiness, and
    jealousy does nothing to Robin or Erik. It only hurts your daughter.

    Move on, Gemma. For her sake. Erik is going to be Erik. I will not defend
    him — I could barely defend my own children’s father. But that wasn’t
    my job — my job was to be the best mom I could. So I didn’t spend
    $500 on clothes, because I couldn’t afford it. But they had/still have the
    best of me. And their memories of their father — still the best dad.


  9. Maureen

    September 8, 2005 at 3:24 pm

    Robin – you’re on the right track. Look realistically at your situation, make changes where you can, decide how you’re going to do it & try to stick to the plan. You two can do it if you work together :goodvibes: That’s what relationships are all about – facing challenges together with mutual respect, love and humor. :hug:

  10. EvilDIL

    September 8, 2005 at 5:48 pm

    Wait a minute. Why are you calling yourself the wife when you’re divorced? Perhaps you’re having a problem with letting go?
    Certainly seems that way to me. Get over yourself Gemma. If you’re in debt, well gee, I wonder why. Couldn’t be because’
    you went out and bought five hundred dollars worth of clothes, could it? Wait, you charged it, didn’t you? Well, all I can
    say to that is “duh!” Instead of messing around in Robin’s and Erik’s lives (because, honey, you divorced him and you no
    longer have any say or right to get in their business), get out and get your own life. I hope that, for the sake of your
    daughter at least, you’ll figure it out before it’s too late. Oh, and stop charging so much. THAT, my dear, is what keeps
    you in debt.

    And, Robin, I agree that you should document everything. Print out Gemma’s comments. Write down anything she does
    or says. Unfortunately, it seems that she’s unable to let go when she should, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue
    dealing with her dramas. You deserve to be happy just as Erik does. A big hug for you.

  11. Maureen

    September 8, 2005 at 8:57 pm

    And, Gemma – I am curious to know how you spent $500 on clothes & shoes for a child. Wow! That had to be one heck of a shopping spree. Did she really need that much in the way of clothes? For $500, I could buy both of my kids complete new wardrobes, with some left over to get a few nice things for my stepdaughter (she & I love shopping together).

    Let’s see… I usually shop at Target – these are the kind of prices I’d expect
    Kids jeans – $12 X 6 = 72.00
    Kids shirts – $8 x 14 = 112.00
    Kids socks – $5/package x 2 = 10.00
    Kids shoes – $18 x 2 = 36.00
    Kids underpants – $5/package x 2 = 10.00
    Kids skirt – $8 x 2 = 16.00
    Kids dress – $12 x 2 = 24.00
    Kids coat – $35 x 2 = 70.00

    Wow – that’s only $350 – for both of my kids (4 & 6)… Add those to the clothes that they already have (your daughter already had clothes, right?) & they’re all set for the rest of the year!

    And, I’ve still got $150 for stepdaughter & I to go on a good spree :yay:

    Seriously… Do you ever pay attention to *all* of the things that you’re saying/writing & make sure that they all make sense when you put them together? Look at this…

    You say:
    You’re in debt
    You charged $500 in unnecessary expenses
    You live in a house that is beyond your means
    And yet, you assert that:
    Your debt is the fault of someone besides yourself

    Do you see how that doesn’t make sense?

    By the way, on a more personal note. My stepdaughter’s mother tried really hard to shut her daughter’s father out of his life. Her methods were/are more straightforward than yours , but still just as harmful to her daughter. *Everyone* who comes to know my husband realizes how warped his ex-wife is. They can see the reality of his relationship with his daughter and see how it completely contradicts the bizarre things that her mother is saying. Can you imagine how that colors their feelings towards his ex-wife?

    Now, can you imagine how his daughter, who, more than anyone, knows what’s in her heart regarding her relationship with both of her parents, feels when her mother starts in on the lies about her dad & her relationship with him? My stepdaughter is well aware of her reality. When her mother starts saying things about her father that my stepdaughter knows are completely untrue, how do you think that makes my stepdaughter feel about her mother? Not only about her sanity, but about the way her mother is honoring her relationship with her father?

  12. Carrie

    September 9, 2005 at 1:34 am

    Wow, it sounds like someone is a bitter ex wife. There comes a
    time in life when you need to let go of the past. When i got
    divorced, with 4 kids, lots of debt. I did not stay in the big
    mortgage home, i moved to a small suite. I didnt lie to myself
    or my children that it wasnt going to be hard. And even with a
    full time job, i would never spend 500 bucks on back to school
    clothes, ( my kids know i love them without that fan fare!)

    i have never spent over 600 and that includes runners and jackets
    for 5 kids! we too buy for my new stepson.

    If your still in debt after your divorce and your spending that way,
    You only have YOU YOU YOU to blame. Its too late to blame Erik
    any longer.

    Perhaps counselling is in order.

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