Most judgments of others are ego strategies to avoid uncomfortable feelings. However, if you lack the awareness of where they come from, they can lead to even more discomfort down the line.

From this post.


My Mistakes

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When you have a falling out with someone I think it’s important to lay out your own mistakes along with understanding what they did to hurt you. Relationships don’t fall apart because one person screwed it all up, it’s a 2 way street. In regards to an ex-friend of mine here are the mistakes I believe I made:

Expectations: I wanted this person to give as much emotionally as I gave and for whatever reason that’s not where they were or what they could give. I felt disappointed and hurt but it was because of my own expectations I put on them. This is something I do a LOT and have talked about in therapy before.

Sensitivity: I was too sensitive and it’s hard as this person is a lot tougher (at least on the outside) and I think it frustrated them, understandably.

Neediness: With this friend I made them my #1 above all other friends and for a while it was great but then as things changed I realized she was my only real friend and as I felt (whether it was true or not) she wasn’t making time for me I felt abandoned and I got clingy. Btw, clingy is one of the most unattractive qualities but there you have it. It’s like when you know a relationship is ending and you get kind of desperate, that’s what I did.

Anger: I wish I’d kept calm more and got angry less, I’m not proud of the angry emails I’ve sent to her and her husband even though they are probably pretty honest on my end but I wish I’d gone about it in a more thoughtful way. I always try to wait 24 hours to send an emotional email so I’ve calmed down and really thought about it.

Strength: I wish I could have been stronger and handled things better. I wish I could have sat and talked with her more instead of being scared of confronting her. I wish I’d been strong enough not to lash out and instead just be honest in a kind way.

Judgement: One of my least favorite qualities about myself is that I can be judgmental and I’m always trying to work on it. I make judgements sometimes on people’s relationships and their lives, even though nobody can really judge another person’s life from the outside. Sometimes I have to remind myself that if it’s not my life then it’s none of my business.

Unfortunately I don’t think any of this will ever be resolved unless we can get to a place where we can discuss and deal with the past so we can let it go. We’re both still discussing how everything fell apart and both stories are very different. If issues, that are clearly still there on both ends, aren’t dealt with they will just keep arising in the relationship. Too often shit is just swept under the rug and that’s the perfect way for things to never get better.

Pretending like nothing ever happened and just moving on means all those problems that everyone admits to existing will always be between everyone. If you can say “it’s your life and I won’t pretend to understand your situation and make no judgement on your circumstances” then ok but I’m doubtful of that happening.

Letting go and moving on is more than just leaving the past in the past, it’s about dealing, resolving and admitting to your own mistakes. Dealing with these things are tough but it’s what you do for the people you love and want in your life.


Meet Archie

Archie is the newest member to our household. We talked for a while about getting a third cat but before it didn’t seem right. Then one day a friend of ours on Facebook posted that she’d rescued a cat and was wondering if anyone wanted to adopt him. For some reason I was immediately drawn to him and when I showed my husband to my surprise he was on board.

When we first brought him home it was a rocky road, to put it mildly. Our furkid Miles was really upset about his new little brother and spent most of him time on top of the cabinets. On top of that Archie, who’d been abused by a previous owner, was attacking my husband a lot (his abuser was a male) and we were both a bit afraid of him.

But I felt a maternal bond with him right away and when I spent time with him I let it be on his terms, which seemed to work well. I would lay down on the futon with him in the room we initially kept him in and pulled up Netflix on my laptop. As I laid there he would come over to me and beg me to pet him and he’d sit on me and he’d knead me. I’m so glad I did this as I think it really helped him ease into his new home.

After a while Miles mellowed out but is still cautious about him. Archie has gotten more comfortable with us and doesn’t jump as much. He still has his moments but I think that is just him. I think he has a bit of post-traumatic stress disorder and we always have to keep that in mind. Also, occasionally Miles and Archie have a really bad brawl but so far nobody has gone to the ER.

Most days things seem to get better and I really believe Archie was meant to be a part of this family. There were moments I thought taking him into our home was a mistake but now I can’t imagine my life without him.

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Ireland Knows How To Get Their Point Across

I just came across this video today, it aggressively gets the point across about speeding.

When I visited Ireland in 2008 there were signs all over the highways warning people not to speed and how many people died from speeding on that particular highway the previous year. When we were on a backroad that had a lot of sharp turns and blindspots we were often afraid to pull out onto the road because of how fast people were allowed to go on those roads.

We also saw a commercial for speeding while we were there, this one is pretty harsh too.


Fresh Tomato Pasta

Tried a new recipe, perfect for a summer meal. Very fresh, light and has so much flavor. In the recipe it tells you to puree the tomato but we chose to just chop it up really fine because we like our pasta chunky and it was perfect but it’s up to what you like. Personally, I liked this pasta sauce so much better than a traditional pasta sauce.


Un-cluttering My Life

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Vearing towards the minimalist lifestyle isn’t about having a house like this necessarily:

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For me, it’s about not holding onto stuff you don’t need and don’t use and it’s an on-going thing for me to work on. While my husband tends to hold onto things a bit more than I do I have a tendency to throw stuff out too easily and then suddenly we’re like “where is that thing we needed?” But at the same time I have my own stuff that I have a hard time getting rid of, mostly clothes. I have so many boxes in our storage that are for thinner sizes of me it’s kind of ridiculous. The worst part is a couple summers ago I went through all those boxes and got rid of SO much clothes but there is still a lot there.

So we we try a couple times a year now to do the spring cleaning but also just really purge as much as we can. At first when I started going through our books he got nervous as he was worried I’d get rid of stuff he wanted but now that I have like 5 boxes filled of books that won’t clutter up our house he feels better.

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Our next big step this spring/summer is to work on our shed, that is FULL of stuff. I want to get rid of a lot of furniture that we kept saying “if we ever move to a bigger house we’ll use” but the bigger house concept may never happen or if it does it is a looooong way away. So we’re going to dig through that thing to the point that I’m hoping it’s at least 1/2 empty and we can walk in there easily to find what we need.

The less stuff, the less cluttered your life is I think and that’s really important to me.

 


Old Navy

I love Old Navy, it’s 99% of where I buy my clothes. I like them because I can afford them, they are convenient (online shopping and local stores) and most of the time they fit me better than any other clothing.

Lately however it’s been a little more disappointing. Everyone talks about how their clothes have gotten so thin that you have to wear something under every shirt because it’s see-through. Clothes I’ve ordered or picked up ended up not being what I expected.

I’ll start off with some items I’ve loved recently:

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The only issue with the pants sometimes is while I love the stretch in them (so the pants can be fitted but not uncomfortable) it also means they are stretch a lot over the day and are hanging off of me by the end of the day. I think this cardigan (I also got it in brown although they don’t show that one online for some reason) is my favorite cardigan of all time because it’s really light, perfect for spring. The white top just fits really nicely, it’s simple, comfortable and flattering, just how I like it.

Disappointments:

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I haven’t been able to find a good pair of exercise/yoga pants lately, they are all crazy tight and uncomfortable. I need to go into a store and try a pair on but I hate doing that. I was so excited about the sheer top but the seam down the front (which I should have noticed before I ordered it online) is just hideous, I don’t know how anyone could like that. The cute tank top, the white one, fit so unbelievably awkwardly and mind you people mentioned this in the comments but I thought they were exaggerating, they were not. I loved everything about the striped top but the shoulders were sewn weird, they were pointy. The top on the bottom I got in like a red/pink color and I thought it would look great, though I wasn’t crazy about the design, but this too fit weird.

I’m not sure if Old Navy is actually trying these clothes on real women but it sure doesn’t look like that’s what they are doing. Step it up Oldie, we need you.


My Journal Creation

My stepdaughter designed the outside of this awesome journal and I decided to get creative with filling it. Here is some of the pages I’ve finished.

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What Is It About Jewish Guys?

I always thought it was just me that just found Jewish guys irresistible. I figured it had something to do with being Jewish myself and having spent my formative years at a Jewish private school being surrounded by Jewish boys. Then as I got older I realized that a lot of the really cute and popular actors are Jewish and lots of women love them. What is it about them?

This idea first came to me when I thought again (as it’s occurred to me before) that I am actually sexually attracted to Seth Rogen. Now, I don’t think there is anything wrong with him but he’s not exactly Brad Pitt (who btw is way too pretty boy for me but that’s another conversation). I admit, I tend to like guys who aren’t perfect looking and I love guys who are funny. So a big part of my appeal of guys is their personality but also I like a quirky quality to their looks like a crooked smile.

My own husband isn’t at all Jewish but looks a bit Jewish.

You can see a more comprehensive list here but I don’t agree with some of them on their list or the order.


My First Week Of Coconut Oil

I’d heard of coconut oil for a while, especially from my brother, but I figured it was just another one of those health things that would eventually disappear and it would be another thing…like kale. But on this past Saturday I found myself feeling really run down to the point of just giving up on the day. I had a headache, felt hot and had zero energy, it was miserable. I was on Pinterest when I came across a pin that linked to a blog post about everything coconut oil does. I saw something about how it could help hypothyroidism, which I have and that a spoonful of it could boost your energy. We happened to have a container of it in the pantry (actually it was there to make this recipe) and I just took the plunge. Taking a raw spoonful was…weird but doable. I’d much prefer mix it in with something else.

I made a delicious banana chocolate coconut smoothie on Monday with it, including coconut milk. I highly recommend this. Ingredients: 1 cup coconut milk, 1 banana, tbsp flaxseed, cocoa powder, chocolate whey protein powder, 1 spoonful of coconut oil.

On Tuesday I was having a rough morning and hadn’t made a smoothie and grabbed a latte on the way to work. I decided to mix the coconut oil into my latte and it worked out ok enough. If I take the lid off I’m sure I’ll see beads of oil in it but I”m just ignoring it and it’s fine.

On Wednesday I put more in my latte, it was fine, nothing to share on that.

On Thursday I had another smoothie with it.

Overall it was pretty good and I’m not keeping up with it like I’d hoped, as usual, but I have hopes of getting back on the healthy train again this coming week and using more.